Plant another seed

Eda M. Handly
Jun 26, 2013

Q: I'm currently in a relationship with this young man who I have known for years. We were together for a year when we were in school. When we broke up, he got with another chick and they now have a kid together. He and I are back together. Recently the mother of his baby and I got into a physical altercation. It is that bad. On top of that, after the altercation he went and supported her. He didn't care anything about me or if I was okay. I was fine, but still, it would have been nice to get an, “Are you okay?” I just want/need to know what to do with this relationship.

A: If the two of you were together and he had a child with someone else after the break up only to leave her and get back with you, it’s obvious he has commitment issues. It’s not as if he came down off of cloud nine and realized he made a mistake by leaving you the first time. The grass is always greener on the other side. And it’s usually fertilized with more crap, too. But this time, he planted another seed! This guy doesn’t know what he wants. And I wouldn’t stick around to find out.

Understandably he would want to defend the mother of his child and wouldn’t want to see her hurt. But if he’s with you, he should defend you. That is, unless you were in the wrong. Which begs the question: Why did this situation make it that far to begin with? For all you know he could be laying down more fertilizer with her. I don’t see any other reason for his behavior. Do you really want that kind of drama in your life? She’s not going anywhere for at least the next 18 years and possibly longer. If you have this many problems now, it’s not going to get any better. And he has shown you where his loyalties lie and they’re definitely not with you.

This isn’t to say you can’t have a relationship with a man if he has a child with someone else. People do it every day. But this guy and the mother of his child appear to be too immature to consider it. You deserve someone who has your full attention. You deserve a real man who is devoted to watering and feeding your own lawn.

Comments

Unassumer

Women that get in physical altercations with other women over a man are....stupid, immature, have low self-esteem and trust issues. So, grow up.

Blues

To me personally, it sounds like two little girls fighting over who gets to hold the paint brush tonight. The guy is loving it because he gets to use the paint brush in two different shades of pink.

The problem doesn't actually lie between the two girls. It lies in the little boy's pants.

Eda M. Handly

Good points guys, but I wish she would have given me more details. It's a different story if this other girl basically attacked her because the guy is leading them both on. Either way, it's a toxic situation.

HAOLEGIRL

Very toxic relationship! If she can not be civil and coexist with the child's mom, then she has NO business being with the dad... Sounds like 3 selfish immature "adults" not having the child's best interest at heart...

starryeyes83

If it was me, I'd put on my red ball jets and run like hell away from that situation.

Of course, this would be after, I turned the guy into a capon.

;] ;]

Mr. D

Don't let him separate you from your panties!!! I see more cat fights on the horizon. . .

SamAdams

I'm at a loss to understand why EITHER of these women are interested in this guy! I don't care how cute he is, or how nice he is SOMEtimes. The facts are that he got a woman pregnant and then left her and his child for ANOTHER woman. Then he went back. Oh, and then he flipped AGAIN! These two women ought to be best pals and join forces to give HIM the boot!

Which brings to mind another question: Just how little do you have to think of yourself before you're willing to fight just to get the manipulative and cruel attentions of a loser like this one?

Nemesis

This situation only goes to illustrate the problems with Eda's ethic of valuing feeling good over adherance to principles. This guy had a baby with one woman but his almighty FEELINGS trumped his moral obligations, leading to the current problem of conflicting loyalty demands. Getting involved with a single parent when the other parent is still alive and around is going to create conflicts of interest. No one can serve two masters (or mistresses.) Say a house is burning, and the baby momma and the current girlfriend are both trapped inside, he can only save one, and the kid is watching. Oh well, that's Eda's shiny post-modern utopia for you. Oh, wait, in Eda's world, he doesn't have to concern himself with what's right, only with what makes him feel good - so it all comes down to which one will hook up with him tonight. Problem solved.