Q: I'm currently in a relationship with this young man who I have known for years. We were together for a year when we were in school. When we broke up, he got with another chick and they now have a kid together. He and I are back together. Recently the mother of his baby and I got into a physical altercation. It is that bad. On top of that, after the altercation he went and supported her. He didn't care anything about me or if I was okay. I was fine, but still, it would have been nice to get an, “Are you okay?” I just want/need to know what to do with this relationship.
A: If the two of you were together and he had a child with someone else after the break up only to leave her and get back with you, it’s obvious he has commitment issues. It’s not as if he came down off of cloud nine and realized he made a mistake by leaving you the first time. The grass is always greener on the other side. And it’s usually fertilized with more crap, too. But this time, he planted another seed! This guy doesn’t know what he wants. And I wouldn’t stick around to find out.
Understandably he would want to defend the mother of his child and wouldn’t want to see her hurt. But if he’s with you, he should defend you. That is, unless you were in the wrong. Which begs the question: Why did this situation make it that far to begin with? For all you know he could be laying down more fertilizer with her. I don’t see any other reason for his behavior. Do you really want that kind of drama in your life? She’s not going anywhere for at least the next 18 years and possibly longer. If you have this many problems now, it’s not going to get any better. And he has shown you where his loyalties lie and they’re definitely not with you.
This isn’t to say you can’t have a relationship with a man if he has a child with someone else. People do it every day. But this guy and the mother of his child appear to be too immature to consider it. You deserve someone who has your full attention. You deserve a real man who is devoted to watering and feeding your own lawn.