Don't be a sugardaddy at 35

Eda M. Handly
Jun 19, 2013

Q: I can't stop trying to seek help from untrained, unlicensed people. - Joe 
 
A: Dear Joe, if the majority of your spare time is spent trolling the Internet and causing unwarranted and unprovoked drama, you may very well be in need of someone who is “trained” and/or “licensed” and quite possibly a prescription for some type of medication.
 
Q: My girlfriend of only two months has recently started almost forcing herself on me and wanting to be attached to my hip. There is a big age difference and I knew going in, it might be a problem. I’m 35 and she is 23. She doesn’t have much and my gut is telling me maybe she is just looking for someone to take care of her. Either way, it’s too much too fast. I have tried to tell her, but it doesn’t sink in. How do I handle her without being a bad guy?
 
A: You know the situation better than anyone and if your gut is telling you something isn’t right, you need to follow that instinct. You tried to tell her, but it isn’t sinking in? So, tell her again. Simply say, “I’m breaking up with you, lose my number, and leave me alone.” Then, refuse to answer her calls. That’s pretty cut and dry. If that doesn’t do the trick then you have a bigger problem than expected. Get mean if you have to. Unfortunately, that’s the only language some people understand. They just don’t get it until there is nothing left to do but turn coldhearted. Trust me, if she’s this attached already, you’re going to be the bad guy no matter what you do or say. Do you want her to get the message or do you want to be the “nice guy” who is guilted into being a sugar daddy before you’re even 40? It’s never fun to hurt someone’s feelings, but occasionally there isn’t an alternative, and it has to be done.

Comments

deertracker

@Sugardaddy
Follow your gut instincts!

Licorice Schtick
Blues

+1

Licorice Schtick

Seriously, though, dude, it sounds like you may be dealing with a borderline* and if you handle this the way Eda says, she'll probably stalk you and sabotage you for a long time and hate you for the rest of her life.

The meathook-grade Velcro (tm) is because she already senses the impending escape. This type is terrified of being alone. You need to be more conniving than she, and that's a lot.

She's more worried about being with you than doing so on her terms. Bring other guys (but not friends) along. Horny ones, and of the type she would find attractive. Then stay out of the way whenever possible. You may be amazed at how quickly you problem ends and you can end it as "friends," which, trust me, it the goal.

* Disclaimer - I know nothing about anything. For more info on personality disorders in general and borderlines in particular, check this out:

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/t...

J Cooper

What professional does this Edna have, any advanced degrees in human behavior, psychology, or is she one of the many on the Register blogs who has a friend at the paper? "Oh I am a paralegal, now I think I will be a life coach, call my friend at the Register, I am know officially an expert."

Blues

Don't like it, J.C? Don't read it. If you do "force" yourself to read it, your bitching about it means nothing if you have nothing to offer in return. It's like cussing at the sky because it's raining and you wanted to play baseball.

I personally think Eda has things to offer. If she doesn't have the experience, her blog comments show others that DO. Differences of opinion, of course, happen all the time. Just because you don't agree, ah well...if you are really intelligent, you know where this is going....

How about when you disagree, that you say you have a different opinion and why, instead of slamming the author?

Should guys have to put the seat down for the girls, J.C.?

Blues

Q 2...run like hell...

2cents

I say you are in or you are out, www.sugardaddie.com, if you want to play the game the rules are none and you know going in. Flash the cash and expect it to be taken, there are all kinds of people out there. : )

LadyC

So, Sugardaddy, did you sleep with her early into the relationship? If so, maybe you better cut that out of the picture. Your gut may be telling you she is looking for someone to "take care of her" when she may actually be thinking you have feelings for her, and like a lot of young people, move pretty fast when they think they've found "the one." Sometimes if you wanna dance you gotta pay the band.

Eda M. Handly

Very good point lady.

rippedhippy1

I find it very funny that "Joe" can submit such a stupid question, and then turn right around and tell Eda to have some respect before posting something silly. Bravo, Joe!

Eda M. Handly

Thanks ripped. Yes, he also found me on Facebook under two assumed names and continued with his antics and I thought it best to document. There is a difference in being a critic and potentially stalking and harassing.

Nemesis

Well, in that case, you should be angry - criticism is one thing, but following you to other, unrelated venues crosses the line.

While his initial question was a nice underhanded burn, what you describe is just plain wrong, and I'm hardly your biggest fan.

Eda M. Handly

Actually I posted his question because I thought it was funny and some of you who are not my biggest fans would get a kick out of it as well. The other things just creeped me out but turn out to be the work of someone else, not him. Still, whoever it was, it was inappropriate, but handled. Thanks.

Nemesis

The only thing worse than a stalker is a pack of stalkers. Be safe.

Eda M. Handly

Always. Thanks again.

OHIOHOOSIER76

The question I have is why does anyone write to Eda? Any life coach that is worth a dime wouldn't casually throw around the need for meds like she has here. If the SR was smart, they'd drop her 'column'. Dear Eda is far from being in the Dear Abby league.

Yellow Snow

One plus one will always equal two, gravity will always be the reason I fall, there 356 days in a year, 12 equals one dozen, love will always trump sex, and many times the "old" ways are the best ways.
Don't confuse those temporary butterflies with love. Love isn't always easy, but you don't give up on it, nor do you confuse it with temporary infatuation or lust. When you truly find love, you never let it go. I've attended 5 funerals in the last 3 week, they've all lasted a lifetime. Then again, I believe in the tried and true.

TboneWalkerJr

Dear Sugardaddy,

TAKE ALL YOU CAN GET while you can get it. You've got a 23 yr old at age 35? Count your blessings, then get back to bed (hint - not for sleep) Just don't marry her or propose and she can take your things.

For god's sake, what are you whining about. STOP overthinking it and hump like rabbits

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