His girlfriend interferes with our 'connection'

Eda M. Handly
May 29, 2013

Q: My friend and his girlfriend break up all the time and it’s getting really old. He always comes to me for advice but I'm tired of being his shoulder to cry on when she is obviously not right for him at all and he should know by now. It's been two years of two thirds fighting and one-third happiness. I'm just about running out of sympathy.

He is 24 and should be well aware of how emotionally abusive this relationship is. He is always saying he broke up with her, she's this and she's that blah, blah. Two days later they are back together and he's texting her like it never happened. And every time he comes over to hang out she is always blowing up his phone with angry texts or saying she needs to talk to him. I am a woman, but I'm not sure if this has to do with jealousy or his girlfriend's complete lack of respect for his free time. It’s kind of long distance.

Anyway, it’s his last year of college and I barely get to spend any time with him that doesn't some how get interrupted by her, his negative rants about her, etc. I just want to enjoy the time I have with the one person I connect with the most. Why can't he see this situation for what it is?

A: He may be able to see the situation for what it is when you do. You obviously have feelings for him that go deeper than friendship. He is the one person you “connect with most” is he not? I’m sure she probably is jealous of you. Setting aside the fact that you observe their relationship to be abusive, which if it is, he has to figure it out on his own. Ask yourself a question; whether she is right or wrong, would you “respect” your significant other’s time if he were spending it and “connecting” with another woman? I don’t know too many people who wouldn’t mind that the person they are trying to have a serious relationship with spends a good amount of time with a member of the opposite sex claiming to be just friends no matter how innocent. The situation always has the possibility of taking on a more regrettable form and becoming a threat to the other person. Sure, platonic friendships can exist. But I assume they only survive in an unrealistic parallel universe where all humans are unattractive, sexually inept, and emotionally absent. Tell him how you feel. He may surprise you.
 

Comments

ladydye_5

OMG...you cannot really think this is a "legit" question? If you are a GIRL, and do not understand why another GIRL is mad her boyfriend is hanging out with you, you need MORE help than a question column in a newspaper.

nonconformist

LOL!

ClassicPatrick

This sounds like a lost episode to One Tree Hill

luvblues2

I have a best friend that I call my sister and I would confide in over ANY OTHER woman on this planet. We are not blood related and we thought about bumpin' parts but never did. Woulda turned out bad.. Yes, a guy and girl can have a totally platonic relationship. Bite me. We have known each other for over thirty years. Sometimes, and we have both agreed with this, the chase is more fun than the catch. Life comes in all flavors.

Also, what do looks have to do with it? Unattractive is in the eye of the beholder. She is as skinny, attractive and articulate as you are. She just happens to be twenty years older than you. I have never been called ugly, either.

Eda M. Handly

I'm not saying it can't happen. However, when two people are in a relationship I believe THAT person should be your best friend above anyone else. When you have another woman in the picture, platonic or not, who you would confide in over any other woman, in my opinion, how can one totally give their heart to the one woman who is supposed to really matter? There will always be a part of yourself that your partner isn't getting and that's not fair to them.

Nemesis

Not bad. Maybe you might have a knack for this after all.

Eda M. Handly

Well thank you, Nemesis.

Eda M. Handly

By the way, you misread the point I was trying to make with my statement. I didn't call anyone ugly. Hence, "unrealistic parallel universe". People who tend to be good friends always have some kind of attraction with each other, otherwise they wouldn't be friends! We're all human and we tend to have a certain chemistry in our friendships.

luvblues2

Thank you Eda. You have just confirmed your talent. At times, the text part of our lives can be misconstrued. We all have to learn to think before typing. I myself have been shunned by good friends who did not get my sense of humor through a text. It loses inflection. Explanation is harder than thinking it through the first time. :)

Eda M. Handly

That sense of humor and hint of sarcasm you hope every one will understand, will get us every time! ;) Thank you so much for the compliment.