Q: My friend and his girlfriend break up all the time and it’s getting really old. He always comes to me for advice but I'm tired of being his shoulder to cry on when she is obviously not right for him at all and he should know by now. It's been two years of two thirds fighting and one-third happiness. I'm just about running out of sympathy. He is 24 and should be well aware of how emotionally abusive this relationship is. He is always saying he broke up with her, she's this and she's that blah, blah. Two days later they are back together and he's texting her like it never happened. And every time he comes over to hang out she is always blowing up his phone with angry texts or saying she needs to talk to him. I am a woman, but I'm not sure if this has to do with jealousy or his girlfriend's complete lack of respect for his free time. It’s kind of long distance. Anyway, it’s his last year of college and I barely get to spend any time with him that doesn't some how get interrupted by her, his negative rants about her, etc. I just want to enjoy the time I have with the one person I connect with the most. Why can't he see this situation for what it is?
A: He may be able to see the situation for what it is when you do. You obviously have feelings for him that go deeper than friendship. He is the one person you “connect with most” is he not? I’m sure she probably is jealous of you. Setting aside the fact that you observe their relationship to be abusive, which if it is, he has to figure it out on his own. Ask yourself a question; whether she is right or wrong, would you “respect” your significant other’s time if he were spending it and “connecting” with another woman? I don’t know too many people who wouldn’t mind that the person they are trying to have a serious relationship with spends a good amount of time with a member of the opposite sex claiming to be just friends no matter how innocent. The situation always has the possibility of taking on a more regrettable form and becoming a threat to the other person. Sure, platonic friendships can exist. But I assume they only survive in an unrealistic parallel universe where all humans are unattractive, sexually inept, and emotionally absent. Tell him how you feel. He may surprise you.