Am I just being used?

Eda M. Handly
Apr 24, 2013

 

Q: I have been talking to someone for seven months. We have been acting like a couple hanging out, holding hands, kissing etc. We haven't had sex yet, but we have messed around. I asked him what our status was and he said that he had good intentions with me but didn't really have a solid answer. We stopped talking for around a month recently because of a huge misunderstanding. We finally started talking again and went on another date. I asked him again about “us” and he said we had a really good friendship going on and he didn't want to ruin anything if it didn't work out. But at the same time he said he wanted to be official because we aren't able to see each other everyday, we go to different schools, and have common friends. I told him that I didn't want to be used and he said if he didn't care about me, he wouldn't have stuck around for so long. He is a really quiet reserved person and when he’s with me, I honestly feel like he’s himself. I guess you can say were pretty comfortable with each other. But am I just being used? Does he honestly not want to ruin our friendship?

A: He has good intentions all right. Unfortunately, they’re completely self-serving and have nothing to do with saving your friendship. He’s sticking around and willing to make it official in hopes that eventually, you will offer up the forbidden fruit on a silver platter. Then, after he gets what he wants, he will make the excuse that your “friendship” is ruined and it just wasn’t meant to be. Don’t fall for that old hat trick! If your instinct is telling you he may be using you, don’t ignore it. A guy who is truly into you wouldn’t be so indecisive as to where you stand with him after seven months.  

 

Q: I was surfing the Net and by chance came across some articles about how to date a married man, letters asking for advice on how to survive being cheated on, and forum posts about husbands’ affairs with other men. It has me so worried. So many people cheat and lie! The women are so hurt and confused. I'm so scared my boyfriend will turn out like one of the guys I've read about. How do I deal with the fear and worry? I love him so much, I'd be heartbroken.
 
A: If you came across all this by chance, I’m super curious what your search terms were! Never the less, it’s obviously on your mind. So, either he has given you signs that he may be on the down low, other indications that he can’t be trusted, or you’re incalculably insecure and jealous. Yes, there are many vile individuals out there who don’t have the courage, much less do they care to close one door before opening another. But for every sorry excuse for a partner that is out there, there is a decent one waiting to be found. Trust is something that grows over time in your relationship. Some of which is given in good faith, but most of which is earned. But be warned, if you doubt him without reason it will eventually cause unnecessary tension and resentment. And if you continue to fear, worry, and/or accuse him of something without just cause, you may inadvertently create a motive that never even existed.
 

Comments

The Bizness

Yes, you are, and you should get pregnant.

Raoul Duke

Using you for what again? Ask yourself what you want from him, and how you might be using him too(it's not always about sex). Maybe waiting until school is over is a good idea.

luvblues2

Q-2. Don't date married people. Are you frippin' stupid? He has his hands in two cookie jars and he doesn't know if he wants peanut-butter or chocolate chip. Run.

JACKEL

I bet she votes also !

reporter54

talking to a guy for 7 months is not dating; neither is messing around. he sounds wishy-washy and full of it to me. dump him and find someone that's decisive and consistent, that obviously cares for you. #2-if you can't trust someone in a relationship, then you don't have much of a relationship. you can't live your life worrying if the jerk will cheat.

VOTENO

Give him some and he'll stick around for a few months.

meowmix

lololol---unless she's no good in da sack.

JMOP

Worrying about him cheating on you only creates worry. It doesn't create a faithful man.

There you go again

What's with the Eda lady and why is Sandusky Register posted this foolishness?!?!

Good 2 B Me

Q-1 Buy a toy and batteries, then get away from that clown.
Q-2 Oddly enough, Women cheat too. Help to try and save a relationship; keep away from married people.

KURTje

Maybe he isn't interested in your fruit. See if he likes your vegetable.

KnuckleDragger

LMAO! Good one Kurt, I just spewed my coffee out of my nose.

G George I du kno

Q1, Why does he have to be using you? I think Eda is off on this one. He has been dating you for 7 months and you haven't given up the "Forbidden fruit" and he is still there. He enjoys your friendship and doesn't want to risk that but he is willing to make it "official". Sounds like he is willing to commit to you and date only you. What more do you want from him? If it was a woman saying this she is only being "Cautious" because she doesn't want to get hurt.

I think you should give the guy a chance and see what happens. That doesn't mean you have to give it up. The longer he stays with you without you giving it up the more he cares about you as a person. I am sure if he was out for one thing he would have moved on and been able to find it over the past 7 months. The strongest relationships start out as friends and progress to best friends after that.