I'm jealous and have an anger problem

Eda M. Handly
Apr 10, 2013

Q: I was in a bad relationship and ended up breaking up with my boyfriend who lived with me. I started hanging out with someone else and we really fell for each other. I agreed to let my ex stay with me just until his union job started up and the guy I was talking to was hurt and quit talking to me. I moved away from my ex and now I'm back talking to the other guy.

He just told me he is still hurt from what happened and that he thought he was over it but he's not. He said depression has hit him and he's not sure we have a future or a friendship. Then he said that I mean a lot to him and that he loves to be with me and wants to slow down because he’s not ready for a relationship. His reasoning was he has 3 kids that would fall for me and he has to protect them and we both need to make sure this is what we want. I'm confused as to what he really means because at first he said he's not sure we have a future or friendship. 



A: You're relationship must not have been that bad. You don't break up with someone and then allow him to stay in your home under any circumstance, especially if you're dating someone new. I don't blame the other guy for being hurt. He doesn't trust you and rightfully so. Depression has hit him? Sounds more like an excuse to politely let you down and move on. After all, he has children he needs to worry about and they are his first priority. I’m sure he does care for you but it doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be cautious for the sake of his family. No one wants to bring their children into a situation if they aren’t sure the other person is in it for the long haul. You have yet to prove that you are. You can either do what it takes to show him you can be a faithful partner or you can continue to take in stray dogs and possibly lose a decent guy.
 

Q: My daughter’s father and I were together for three years and I got really depressed one day. I have a little bit of my dad's anger problem. I hit my child's father while he was holding our daughter and two of the other three kids were there. Department of Human Resources got involved and I had to leave the house. I took an anger management class and I paid for an extra class for domestic violence because it helped. I've changed and know how to control my anger. In June it will be one year since everything happened. He and I decided to take it slow and work things out but he doesn't want to rush into a relationship again. He also said I have to earn his trust back. What can I do or say that will show him it won't be like before? And to get his trust back he sees I changed and am doing better and sees I am a better mom again like I was before I got depressed. I love him and in June it’s our four-year anniversary. I want to be back with him in a relationship again. He is the only man I love or want and I want it to work out. I wish I didn’t get jealous as much as I do and I’m working on that but it’s hard. I am afraid to trust and let him in like I did before and I’m afraid of getting hurt again. I want my family back and I want more kids with him. I don't want to fight or argue I want it to be like it was before, when we were good and got along great.



A: It hasn't even been a year yet and you expect him to believe everything is hunky dory? You messed up in a big way. I'm glad you received help for your anger issue but these types of behavior problems don't appear over night. And they certainly don't correct themselves that quickly either, anger management class or not. Of course it's going to take some time for him to trust you again, if that is even possible. Don't push him and don't rush things. At this point, he has the right to take as much time as he needs. If you're still "working on" jealousy and trust issues maybe you should consider signing up for a few more classes before considering any more children. "I'm afraid of getting hurt again," said the lion to the lamb. Imagine how he feels.

Comments

doppleganger

Question #2; So, you have 4 kids, an anger management problem and domestic violence issues and you want more kids? You need your head examined.

The Bizness

You should get pregnant

Unassumer

Yeah and she's probably only 15.

deertracker

Question 2: If a woman hits you once, she will hit you again and again and again!

Betherella

I agree with you so much on that. People always act like it's just the men. I think a lot of women do it because they think a man can't hit them back. If I hit my husband, I wouldn't expect him to just stand there. But I also think if people are hitting each other, they shouldn't be together. I don't think you can love someone and also abuse them. But yes, women do it just as much as men, and it's just as bad.

tell it how it is

I agree! If it had been a man who sent that in, all hell would be being raised! People would completely terrorize him. However, it's a woman so that doesn't seem to be most people's worries with the situation.
I wouldn't hit any man and expect him to not hit me back, joking or not. We wanted our Women's Rights! Step up to them. Tired of women playing that card whenever things aren't going their way. Can't have it both ways.

luvblues2

Go here and you can read a few chapters of a book about my life experiences that inspired the author. The female sex is not always the "weaker" sex. Physically or mentally.

http://books.google.com/books/ab...

Katelih-Trailer...

What do you call a pansy man with 2 black eyes? Nothing..he's already been told twice! LMAO

luvblues2

What do you tell a woman with a shoe up her crotch? "Give it back, I'm sorry for not tying it tight enough"

Katelih-Trailer...

I may call it "Foreplay" LMAO... A shoe to the crotch would hurt YOU wayyy more than it would hurt ME.

luvblues2

You really don't want to go there, Kate. I mean it.This isn't a battle of the sexes. It's a battle against abuse. If you find that entertaining, I can make your life very interesting. That is not a threat anymore than you saying you will blacken my eyes or kick me in the nuts.

Let's just leave it be at where abuse is wrong, no matter who is the giver or taker. Shall we?

Katelih-Trailer...

Wow...I am not threatening YOU or ANYONE else..I just like to have fun..I thought you do, too, since you comment on most of my posts. Trust me..I am quite READY for an "interesting" life, so if you feel froggy...
ps..The black eye joke was not a reply to your post, it was just MY post. YOU decided to reply to it. You started replying to my posts a long time ago, when I commented about me not being aware of my sexuality when I was 10 yrs. old...SMDH

luvblues2

Sorry that I mistook your humor, Kate. You just struck a nerve with me is all. Women can be just as mean as men and that doesn't make the man a wuss when he doesn't fight back because he doesn't want thrown in jail. I could've beat the crap outta one of my wives once, but I learned from past experiences to just call the law on her and do nothing physical back. Worked out well in my favor. Never had to do it again. Retaliation to violence with violence never ends up well.

Katelih-Trailer...

I didn't mean to strike a nerve,and I assure you, I wasn't referring to you. I want to see all couples get along and enjoy each others company without altercations and surely with NO black eyes! I am sorry if I offended you.

luvblues2

:).. Glad that we worked that out.

luvblues2

Regardless, abuse is bad. It's a two way street. First one to call the cops, usually gets to stay home while the other goes to jail. Ask any cop except the ones in Sandtown.

kURTje

Single mothers are so appreciative.