I'm having second thoughts about dating my best friend

Anonymous
Dec 19, 2012

Q: I am currently dating my best friend of three years. I thought this was what I wanted but now I'm having second thoughts. I like being with him and I care about him a lot. He's extremely quirky though and sometimes this turns me off as I'm embarrassed to be around him. He's extremely outgoing and he's not afraid to show it. I feel as if something is missing as far as attraction but I don’t want him to be with anyone else. He's almost 24 and I'm 21 and we've been dating less than a month. Intimacy is fine but there's still something missing. Granted I haven’t been in a real relationship for 3 years so maybe I’m just not use to it? What do you do knowing an amazing friendship is at risk? Is it worth it to stick it out with someone who treats me awesome even if I don’t feel everything is there between us?

A: After three years you’re just now realizing he’s a bit eccentric? It’s only been a month since you decided to be more than friends. At least give it a fighting chance. You obviously felt something and there was a strong connection of some sort between the two of you that made you take that leap. I’m sure it’s quite a change and there are many things that will be different but you have what many people don’t, a solid foundation. Why would you not stick it out with someone who treats you well? I’ve known many individuals who do it for much less and get treated like a dog in the process. So there’s something missing, welcome to reality. No relationship is perfect and none of us are blessed with the option of piecing together our partner like a Build-A-Bear.
 

 

Q: My girlfriend and I are dating the under radar because we've dated before, broke up and remained friends and people we're giving us some flak. But a couple weeks ago we were intimate and hung out afterwards. She started acting more like we were in a relationship. Recently, we haven't texted as much as we do and when we do, it's usually short and we don't talk about anything that much. I think most of this was due to her studying and I was fine with her not contacting me much. But last night we were having a normal conversation and she mentioned she was watching a movie by herself and I asked if she wished I was there watching it with her and she responded with just a simple no. I tried to talking with her after that but she wouldn't respond and she didn't text me until later. We talked for a bit then but she just seemed like she wasn't very interested in talking with me. We talked a little today but again she just didn't respond to a text I sent and I'm sort of getting tired of this.

This was sort of an issue for me when we dated before and I just get very anxious and paranoid about things like this. When it gets very bad I try talking to my friends about it and they usually say I'm probably just being too paranoid about it. Though this time they don't have much to comment on it.


A: I’m confused. In one breath you sound as if you’re complaining because she is treating your little excursions like a relationship and in the next you’re whining that she isn’t answering your texts or speaking to you as much as she should. Do you want a relationship with this girl or are you just “dating under the radar”? Because it sounds to me like the two of you need to establish exactly where you’re at, if you even know the answer. It sounds as if she might. While I can agree she’s being pretty rude not to respond, it also begs the question as to how many times you’re texting her. Maybe she is getting tired of feeling like she needs to explain herself. Maybe you’re being too needy. Figure out what you want out of this and speak with her about it. You both have to be on the same page before you can turn it.
 

Comments

luvblues2

I call BS. My best friend is a female and I am a male. We've been best buds for over 27 yrs. We gave thought to making it more intimate along time ago but were both married to others and thought better. We've both been divorced from those, at the same time. The thing is, we knew it would ruin our friendship if it ever went further than best buds. My opinion, only.

BabyMomma

You never know if "ruining" your friendship will happen. I know this because I dated a best friend once. It took me so long to decide whether or not to date him because i was so worried about ruining our friendship....At first it was so different & I wondered if it was the right call BUT he was always an amazing friend & turned out to be an even better boyfriend. The reason it felt different is because i was being treated good. He treated me better than anyone i had ever dated and I never would have found that out if i didnt take the chance. Plus if your friendship is that great it can withstand almost anything......I cant imagine my life without him by my side as my best friend....PS....We just celebrated our 5th anniversay as husband & wife.

rickross2

Yea right!

BabyMomma

sounds like someone needs a hug....do you need a hug Ricky?