Am I destined to be alone?

Anonymous
Dec 12, 2012

Q: I’m 22 and have never had a boyfriend. I've been told that I'm attractive, but there hasn't been a guy in my life who has told me he likes me. Likewise, I have never really liked anyone. I was never the boy crazy type. Is this abnormal? Sometimes, I think that I'm terrible at relationships in general and would make a bad girlfriend, so it's no wonder that I haven't found anyone yet. Maybe I have an ugly, unattractive personality. Oddly enough, I can be very introverted but also outspoken at times, so perhaps I'm unintentionally scaring guys off or something. But the thing is, I don't feel I should change who I am to get a guy to like me. Honestly, I often feel that I'm destined to be alone. I try to tell myself that I'm okay with this, but I know I'm only lying to myself. I long to find love just like everyone else.

A: Being a tad more shy and introverted certainly doesn’t make you unattractive and you don’t have to be gregarious in order to be romantically inclined. If you have yet to find someone you’re attracted to or piques your interest, you surely can’t expect to have a boyfriend. This doesn’t make you abnormal it simply means you have very high standards. Whether or not they’re too high is another question entirely. However, it is possible that your confidence level could be affecting your chances of meeting someone. No one is destined to be alone. But, you’re right in that you shouldn’t have to change who you are to make another person like you. Telling yourself this is one thing; when you actually believe it, your confidence will shine through.

Q: My girlfriend and I went out one night and when we got home, she realized she left her phone in the car. She asked me to go get it, so I did. I decided to peek at the text messages and saw she has been texting this guy. He told her she deserves better and he is always causing serious issues between us. I know she isn’t cheating on me with him but I was curious. She came outside and caught me looking. She got angry and deleted all her texts and phone calls telling me that I lost her trust. I told her the fact that she would delete everything was suspicious and I should be the one who is angry!

She then told me I could look through her Facebook and gave me her password and email. I don’t need to do that I just want to know why she continues to text this guy when I have told her how much it bothers me. How can I earn her trust back? She hasn’t cheated on me and has been very honest throughout our relationship. Its just this one guy she texts really bothers me and she wont stop even after I have asked her to.

She seems to have no respect for me or herself for that matter since she allows guys to force themselves on her and still continue to talk to them after words. I also get the feeling that she is extremely insecure and chooses to keep many guy friends around her at all times to feel like she has backup plans in case I leave her. Which, I’m debating on doing.

A: Once a person begins deleting calls and texts from their phone, there is definitely a guilty connotation behind their actions. Obviously you had a feeling something was going on otherwise you would have never been inclined to look. If you have told her how much her interactions with this guy make you uncomfortable and she disregards your feelings, her lack of respect for you is mighty blatant. But I’m a bit perplexed why you feel the need to gain her trust back. She is merely attempting to shift the blame and make her actions seem less significant. Don’t be manipulated into believing you’re the one who is doing something wrong. She may not be cheating on you now, but she is very close to crossing that imaginary line that is oh so real. Don’t debate too long; without trust and respect, you’re in for a very long and tumultuous ride.

Comments

kURTje

To the 1rst question....."One picture is worth a thousand words," or "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

Good 2 B Me

Q2...DUH! Don't snoop if you don't want the truth.

SamAdams

I was in a relationship once myself where I had a close male friend. We really were friends, nothing more or less, but we were very close. He didn't care for my husband, and my husband didn't like him, either! (That's actually pretty understandable when you know that the only thing the two of them had in common was me!)

My husband did his best to cut off contact between the two of us, and finally issued an ultimatum: Him or me. Know who I chose? The one who loved me enough that he DIDN'T demand that I choose.

rjk1915

This advice is entirely wrong. She is being constrained by a tribal culture which dictates that if you have a "boyfriend" you cannot have other friends. Her wish to be more civilized should be respected and will serve her well in the long run.

Eda M. Handly

You seem to miss a very important part of the equation, "he is always causing serious issues between us." Of course it's ok to have other friends. However, when these "friends" are interfering in your relationship and causing issues that otherwise may not exist, it speaks to something a little deeper. Of course her wishes should be respected, but he should also be respected by the friend, which is clearly not happening.