Should I start a physical relationship with my best friend?

Anonymous
Nov 21, 2012

Q: I just broke up with my girlfriend for legitimate reasons. Anyway my best friend is also female. We moved in together along with my girlfriend and my friend and I have grown really close. We have also told each other that we have feelings for one another. We ignored it for a while and just continued to grow our friendship, as my relationship went from bad to worse.

My best friend was always there to give me advice when I needed it but most of all she cared and didn't put her emotions into her advice. The last couple of days we have laid it on the table that we care a lot about each other but neither of us wants anything serious. She said that she wants us to continue to be friends but with benefits. What is your advice on this and how do I get closer to her? I would love to cuddle and watch a movie or share a hug, but I don't know if she feels the same and I don't want to rush anything seeing as how I just got out of a relationship and because she is my best friend and I don't want to damage that.

A: You lucky dog! The last thing you should be considering right now is how to get closer. You have a unique opportunity here to have someone in your life who cares about you and receive most of the benefits of a relationship without all the complicated concerns of actually being a couple. Friends with benefits, well, it’s pretty self-explanatory. As far as damaging your friendship, the only thing that may accomplish that is you accepting her offer and trying to make more of it than it is. If you think the two of you are adult enough to handle this type of relationship, then go for it. There is really nothing to lose as long as you’re both honest and forthcoming.

However, don’t expect anything more than what is laid out in the beginning. You both need to establish rules and boundaries. If there comes a time when one of you wants or needs more, then you talk about it together and possibly redefine the relationship.

The only thing I should add is I hope the ex is no longer living with the two of you. That would just be weird and awkward. You must first close that door completely otherwise it may swing back blunt force and knock you right on your backside.
 

Comments

KURTje

Or if your name is Morris or you have blood from Brazil, you could play the song "Feelings." There is your answer.

mikel

hells to the yeah!

luvblues2

That would be pure stupidity. There is no such thing as "friends with benefits".

SamAdams

Where is the button you can click to report a COLUMN as "inappropriate?"

luvblues2

You have an AMEN! from the choir, Samantha.

luvblues2

It's as simple as this: if you have sex with your best friend, you are no longer friends, you are now lovers. Lovers say way much more than best friends do. A whole different ballgame. I don't care if you both write up a contract and have it signed and stamped. What is wrong with you?

starryeyes83

Wait! are all of these girls or a guy and two girls? Because, the "lucky dog" answer made no sense unless ya know the genders for sure.

That said, these questions are getting relly weird. It's gonna end up being a threesome, regardless.

Second Opinion

I'm in shock that America has an redeeming value left.

This advice even back in the 60's would be considered trash along with reputation of both the parties.

This paper moderates TRUTHFUL FACTS concerning abortion but permits this form of advice which might very well lead up to an abortion.

Eda might start to ponder the question; "What exactly does Gods command of not committing adultery or fornication mean and what are the consequences of breaking Gods laws and commandments?"

luvblues2

Not the freakin' abortion thing again, S.O. Doesn't that CD have another song on it?

thinkagain

Moderators have removed this comment because it contained Personal attacks (including: name calling, presumption of guilt or guilt by association, insensitivity, or picking fights) and Libel and defamation.

Second Opinion

Moderators have removed this comment because it contained Personal attacks (including: name calling, presumption of guilt or guilt by association, insensitivity, or picking fights).

KnuckleDragger

So Eda is advocating just hitting it? I hipe nobody is paying for this advise. Her advise is to play with the womans emotions, and use her as a sounding block and a sex toy. What an idiot!!!

2cents

Your on the rebound!
One's lover and soulmate should be your best friend!
Was your best friend the one all along?
If you become intimate with this best friend you can never go back!
It could BFF/soulmates/true love, or it could be a fill in thing.
Either way your choice changes the future of two people forever.
How old are you, under 25 keep the friendship your too young to make those choices now!!!!

Yellow Snow

If you have to turn to an online forum to ask a relationship question, you most likely know the answer is no and you're just trying to justify a decision you know isn't good.

Eda M. Handly

Yes, friends with benefits does exist. Just because you don't understand something or have never experienced it yourself, doesn't make it non-existent. It's not inappropriate, it's a legitimate question with a legitimate answer. There are all types of relationships in this world and as long as the parties are honest with each other and themselves they can work for as long as they need them to. Not everyone is ready to be in a committed relationship and they may never be for that matter. There is no right or wrong answer here. There is only honesty and what is right for the individuals regardless of all the nay-sayers with their holier-than-thou, irrelevant opinions. People should always be true to themselves, not what everyone else thinks they should be...

Second Opinion

No right or wrong answer here?

So all moral teachings should not be considered into the equation? Sounds like a spoiled and selfish ignorant viewpoint.

If this was an HONEST article the issue of morals would be discussed instead of removed.

What exactly is your viewpoint on Gods command to "NOT COMMIT ADULTERY" ???? Or do you consider all religions worthless of discussion and consideration.

Eda M. Handly

You're inferring that I do not have morals. Being HONEST is a moral I hold dear and definitely a way of life. Read again what I wrote. This has nothing to do with adultery and obviously you don't read my column otherwise you would know my thoughts on it. And no, I don't believe religion to be worthy of discussion here.

Second Opinion

Sadly, you've no clue to the term 'morals' or you wouldn't have posted this reply.

By your definition Judas would have had morals since he was concerned about the poor, but we know he betrayed Christ with lies and Christ ended up being crucified. So was Judas 'moral' because he had feelings for the poor?

A prostitute that tells the truth, do you considered them 'moral'? Or what about an animal abuser that takes care of homeless people, are they 'moral'?

Your failure is not understanding the concept along with the depths of the law of absolutes.

Please, tell us why telling the truth makes you 'moral' but sanctioning fornication and adultery doesn't make one immoral?

Your opinions are just that, opinions, they're not based upon evidence or factual documentation and certainly not based upon any absolute since you specifically stated that religion isn't worth of the discussion when considering fornicating or adultery!

I honestly don't expect you to understand or even begin to comprehend what 'absolutes' are or where they began, first you have to realize that you are not the authority of right or wrong, that is determined by a higher authority than ourselves, the differences being you refuse to acknowledge any authority besides you experiences and personal desires of what you want to be truth.

luvblues2

Thanx for the deletion, S.O. Knock it off with the "prohibition" crap.

Eda M. Handly

Well, luv, I doubt that but I guess you'll just have to wait for my memoir. No one is damned here... only those who fail to open their minds and their hearts.

luvblues2

I will await your memoir, Eda. As long as I don't have to pay for it. I have never paid cash for sex and never will. Even if it's in print or film. I've paid for it with heart and soul. Playing your ill advised game will lead to a broken heart.

Eda M. Handly

That's funny. Lol... guess you'll never read it. It's not just about sex, that's being rather presumptuous.

KURTje

Geez Eda; don't be so sensitive. (glad you look here)

Eda M. Handly

I'm not being sensitive at all. Simply giving my thoughts just like everyone else. I have much experience to speak about, hence why I do what I do. :)

Yellow Snow

Sexual gratification and attraction are different than love. One passes, the other is for ever. One can doom a relationship, the other can enhance it. You have to recognize the difference and accept the consequences.

Eda M. Handly

Very well spoken Yellow Snow. One can also learn a lot from both. Hope you all have a great holiday!

Second Opinion

Moderators have removed this comment because it contained Personal attacks (including: name calling, presumption of guilt or guilt by association, insensitivity, or picking fights).

Randy_Marsh

Adultery is between a MARRIED person and another. Maybe i missed it but neither of the two are married.

Second Opinion

Good question, here lies the answer,

1 Corinthians 6:9-10

""Don’t delude yourselves — people who engage in sex before marriage (fornication) , who worship idols, who engage in sex after marriage with someone other than their spouse (adultery), who engage in active or passive homosexuality,... none of them will share in the Kingdom of God.""

There are 31 other verses condemning fornication.

Randy_Marsh

Second Opinion
Maybe these folks do not perscribe to your religion and have different values. The article was about the social and emotional rammifications of co-habitation with a sexual component. If you read your bible and believe that is great but to dictate to others what can and cannot be done is not advice, Thats a mandate. Im sure in this day and age almost everyone you meet isnt going to make it by strict observance, I like BLT's too much.

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