Will I regret breaking up with my high school boyfriend?

Anonymous
Oct 31, 2012

Q: I don't want to have any regrets in life. Will I regret breaking up with my boyfriend now that I’m in college? We've been together four years but we're both so young and there is so much we both want to do with our lives. I don't know if the effort and time put into the relationship is going to be worth it. Especially as it seems like I'm always the one putting in the effort. At 18, is it worth the commitment? Do I need to meet more people before I choose someone I want to spend my life with? If you love someone, do you really know, because all I have had recently are doubts?


A: If you’re having doubts, you obviously know something; it’s not likely to work when you’re ready to spread your wings and take flight. A four-year relationship is a long time but I’m not sure I would call a high school sweetheart a relationship per say. Both of you have many lessons to learn and many more experiences to encounter before you will really know what it means to be in a relationship. You’re only 18. Forget about finding the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. You haven’t even found yourself yet.
 

 

Q: I’ve been seeing this guy for four months now and we’re in a relationship, he just doesn’t seem to want to admit it. He had a horrible break up and I think the label "girlfriend" freaks him out, he hasn’t given me a straight answer about why he won’t ask me officially but we act like we’re in relationship; we’ve met each other's family, go to family events, hangout a lot and go on dates. He even buys me flowers. I’ve brought it up three times already and he keeps gearing away from a proper answer. I am to the point now that I need to talk to him about this. I can’t go any longer, as the unknown is turning me into someone I don’t like and not allowing me to feel confident in the relationship. I want him to take his time and ask me when he’s ready but it’s just unfair for me to have to deal with this too. I’ve already waited long enough. I’m going to talk to him about it and ask why he won’t commit but I’m terrified that he’s going to say I’m moving too fast and end it or say he just doesn’t want a relationship. How should I go about this? What do you think he will say and what should I avoid when talking to him?

A: Oh my, it’s been an entire four months and after you’ve already asked him to commit three times, he’s still not budging? Do you honestly think this next conversation is going to open up the heavens while angels sing and harps play in the background, revealing to him that you are the love of his life? Learn to enjoy what you have. Sounds to me like he’s a pretty decent guy who likes you, but your expecting a little too much entirely too soon. He’s probably scared to death that if he commits to your relationship demands he’ll be the next trapped-poor-sap who’s married with a baby on the way in the first year and living a miserable, regrettable existence until he wises up and divorces you. Let it go already, that horse is dead.
 

Comments

rickross2

This guys articles are terrible. Why dont you fire him?

kURTje

Where are you G.________Richarson!!!!! Eda needs your help

Buggers78

I read the first response and was surprisingly impressed that Eda didn't feel the need to belittle and bash the poor girl into attempting suicide, but then I read the 2nd question and response and realized oh Eda just had a lapse in judgement with the first one! I don't understand what the heck makes her a gift to anyone that has the right to advise anyone on matters of the heart because she clearly just feels the need to bash people! I'm guessing she puts on a happy front but must be a miserable horrible person on the inside!! I also don't understand why anyone with any self respect would even send a question in to her!

doratheexplorer

I would never ask Eda anything. Who is Eda? I agree with Buggers

doratheexplorer

Oh I see who Eda is at the bottom now

WaterStreetCooncat

I bet these are made up questions & responses & "Eda" doesn't really exist. Now...go take on the pay.

Buggers78

Oh trust me unfortunately she is real and she is like this in person.

Eda M. Handly

Yep, I'm real alright. Glad you recognize me. Notice I say recognize. Only a hand full of people know anything about who I am and you obviously know nothing about me. However, I must say due to your angry, negative, and extremely presumptuous commentary, one might deduce that you're a disgruntled ex from years past.

starryeyes83

Moderators have removed this comment because it contained Personal attacks (including: name calling, presumption of guilt or guilt by association, insensitivity, or picking fights).

queenjhb

Question no. 2, you have a right to know how he feels about you. Just going w/ the flow doesnt give you any respect for your concerns. He can tell you by now that he really likes you and dating you for a few years will tell him if you two are right for each other. Thats really not too much to ask for, just to clarify were you are at in his mind.

Eda M. Handly

You're absolutely right, she has a right to know how he feels and it's readily apparent by his actions. That's the problem with today and the reason the divorce rate is so high. People want a relationship before they even know anything about each other. No one can simply enjoy someone's company and allow things to happen naturally. You can't force someone to commit. He's obviously not ready so she can either accept it for the time being and stop being so pushy before he resents her for it, or she can gracefully move on.

Licorice Schtick

Ann Landers she ain't, but she's getting closer. The sarcasm in the second answer was a little mean.

Eda M. Handly

No, I am not Ann Landers. Nor am I trying to be. That's the whole point of being an individual and setting yourself apart from the rest.

kURTje

No. "Dear Abby" has been dead. Yet some still see her musings. Mean? Never served did you? America is about personal choices, expressions, etc. Many need to understand other people's thoughts too. Don't so be narrow minded. "All Hail G__Richcharson."

rjk1915

The advice is good. it's sad that so many can be so foolish. But "per say" ? And capital P on"personal" ?

Kasey

This woman's advice is pathetic. Do you have nothing better to do than belittle every advice-asker?
Also, who Photoshopped this Eda's eyes and lips? I don't believe they really are THAT vibrant.

SamAdams

You know that car commercial where the salesman says, "Ah, they'll give anybody a blog these days!" Well, between Eda and Sharon, I think the point has been all too thoroughly proved!

excel

Eda M. Handly's Experience...
Paralegal - Erie County Prosecutor's Office, Ohio
June 2004 – January 2011 (6 years 8 months)
--Legal research and writer

Eda M. Handly is a freelance writer and Certified Life Coach(LOL) specializing in dating and relationships. She began counseling victims of domestic violence in 2004 as an advocate through the Erie County Prosecutor’s Office and has been helping people ever since. Handly is also an advice columnist and owner and creator of the dating and relationship advice website www.love-sources.com.

Hey Eda do you actually have any formal education in the social sciences field?