Young love hurts, too

Chelle Pletcher
Mar 23, 2010

 

One subject I've generally stayed away from while discussing the teenage psyche is love. More than anything, the reason being is because most adults tend to scoff at teenagers and love.

Saying we don't understand it, or we don't know what real love is. That's not true. We are capable of knowing, understanding, and feeling love.

Yes, some teenagers don't understand what love is. But then again, some adults don't even know what love is, either.

The word love is tossed around way too casually in this day and age. A lot of people "love" every single person they have a relationship with. How is this possible — to love someone the day you start dating, or even the day you met?

It's not. Love is an aquired emotion. You can't love someone before you even know who they are. It annoys me greatly to hear some of my friends crying after a break up, saying, "I'm in love with him! What am I going to do? He was everything!" when they'd only 'dated' for a week. Then by the next day, they've fallen in love again with someone different, and completely forgotten about the supposed love of their life from the day before. 

But to say that every teenager is like that is to say that every snowflake is identical. Yes, some people my age may display the behavior described above, but we don't all. Sometimes, love can be real for us. Who says we are not able to feel the true compassion that comes with love? We may be young, but that doesn't prevent us from being able to experience these emotions.

Sometimes, we don't understand why we feel the way we do, but that doesn't mean our emotions aren't real. What really bugs me, though, is when parents don't believe this. They brush off our feelings as if they don't matter.

"You don't really know what love is. Don't be so melodramatic."

That's not what we need to hear. Parents who simply dismiss their children's feelings as unimportant and irrelevant are the parents who wonder why their children grow to resent them later in life. When we're upset, understand.

Show empathy. Don't you remember what it was like to be young? To wish your parents would have understood about your young love? If your teenager comes to you upset over their heart being broken, don't brush it off as nothing. Comfort them, soothe them. That's what they need. Sometimes we may be too young to understand why love can hurt sometimes, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt us. So be there for us. Our love is real, too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

hancrack me up

Paul Anka sang about it in the late 50's (Puppy Love), and so have bands in every other generation up ti' present. Sure it feels like love when you lust after someone & throw yourself at them & dress sleazy to attract them, and when you finally get them and 3 months later when you see what they're really like...you'll find it wasn't love after all. Best thing this generation could have are free vasectomy centers so the breeding of ignorance will slow down. That & put salt peter in their food.

Julie R.

Very good article and straight from the heart.

Cross

Anyone can feel compassion or friendly love, but relationship love at your age isn't real. It's an illusion that many like yourself think is real, but it's not.

The problem is relationship love while one is young is two dimensional. The person you are today will be vastly different in 10 years.

Love encapsulated is time, commitment, depth, and future. The problem for a young person is they won't understand the truth of these things for many years. We cannot explain experience and maturity, you have to arrive there on your own, but it's wise to trust those who have been where you are, and can help you, even if you do not comprehend why.

One needs to experience life and grow as a person before they can find ones soulmate. What you think is right today will be wrong tomorrow.

Nobody says teenagers cannot have feelings or relationships. However, like that job at Mcdonalds or Cedar Point which isn't a career but a learning experience, generally it's wise to understand that your path of relationships is just starting and not ending and will have many twists and turns.

The problem is too many teenagers feel they know things they do not, and since only time and mistakes can teach them, many are destined to a few children and divorces at young ages because they are more worried about connecting to their feelings and ignoring their parents and others wiser than them because they are in 'love'.

egholm52

It's silly how generations come and go and teens continue to suppose they have a clue what love is. It's not the feelings that come when you are close to the one you like. It's not the emotions invested in another person. Love is the attitude adopted toward another person. The attitude that governs the unconditional acceptance of another. When times are good or bad, this attitude causes one to remain committed. When the desire to control another's actions, friends and associations, this attitude remains committed. Love is an attitude of eternal friendship that holds no bars and supports, encourages and remains unchanged when all else is going wrong.

Time and experience are the manifesters of LOVE. Time and experience, the two things lacking in youth. Every relationship has a bottom line, a single thing each person has to have. The question is: You are not going to get that one thing, now what? If the answer is, the relationship is more than the single thing I need, Then that's the attitude of love that will in 50 or 60 years even go beyond the grave!