Sandusky Regurgitator Point, Counterpoint: The Perkins Sunshine Case

Bryan Dubois
Dec 9, 2010

Township Officials Violate Sunshine Laws During Happenstance Meeting At Toys R Us

P E R K I N S --  What promised to be an uneventful Christmas shopping trip to a Perkins Township toy store turned into a little more than three public officials bargained for.

Perkins Township Trustees Tim Coleman, Jeff Ferrell, and Mike Printy all are facing pointed questions after a chance meeting at Toys R Us caused them to directly break Ohio Sunshine Laws.  "What they did was clearly illegal," said David Marburger, an expert on open records laws. "They should not engage in such activity because it raises questions about their intent."

"Coleman may have been most at fault," Marburger said.  "The trio was actually not in violation until he decided to enter the store after seeing Ferrell's and Printy's vehicles in the parking lot."

Printy claims to have been at the store to pick up the newest copy of Call Of Duty for his Wii game console but Sunshine law experts claim that he should have waited in the parking lot until Coleman and Ferrell safely exited the store.

When asked to identify what toy Ferrell was looking for he replied, "What do you want me to tell you?  Which toys my kids like playing with?  Get a life, will ya?"

Printy's activities inside the store are still unkown, although an anonymous source has indicated he may have been perusing doll houses for his grandaughter.  The incident is still under investigation.

~~~
 

Reporter Discovers Township Cookie Jar Violation

P E R K I N S -- What promised to be an uneventful Perkins Township Trustee meeting evolved into a harrowing discovery for a local reporter last Tuesday.

Sandusky Register reporter Andy Ouriel discovered a cookie jar molestation upon arriving for a regularly scheduled monthly meeting.

As Ouriel descended the steps to the basement of the Township building he slowed to a halt as he heard faint whispers and the ravenous sounds of a good ole fashioned cookie feast.

"As I got closer to the door I heard Mr. Ferrell clearly state that he wanted  Coleman to hand him more chocolate chip [cookies] instead of the gingerbread [cookies]," Ouriel stated.  "I threw open the door, and there they were -- all three of the trustees with their hands in the Perkins Township cookie jar staring at me with that wide-eyed deer-in-the-headlights look," Ouriel said. 

Perkins fiscal officer Diane Schaefer was the first to defend their actions.  "There is absolutely no proof of them eating from the cookie jar besides the crumb-covered counter which can be cleaned up before anyone else notices," Schaefer said.  "It's Ouriel's word against ours, and frankly, who are you going to believe?" Schaefer asked.

When asked for comment, Trustee Printy shook his head, as he finished chewing, quickly wiping the crumbs from the corners of his mouth. "I don't know what to say.  With this [township relocation] happening and Christmas right around the corner, the cookie jar sometimes gets the best of us."

The incident remains under investigation.

Comments

Julie R.

I can't wait to see how many people actually believe this and start arguing!

perkinsandlynn

I assume this is meant to have humor or something.  The Fit blogs have more humor.

Peninsula Pundit

Moderators have removed this comment because it contained personal attacks. Discussion Guidelines

Peninsula Pundit

Moderators have removed this comment because it contained personal attacks. Discussion Guidelines

Salvatore

This would have been funnier if Bryan mentioned a chance meeting at Teddy Wears instead of the toy store.

glassman

 The Onion you are not.

6079 Smith W

 

 @ Mr. Dubois:

IMO, a bit esoteric. Hey! Not every gag rocks the house.

"Tough crowd, tough crowd."

Rodney Dangerfield:

"I came from a real tough neighborhood. I bought a waterbed and found a guy at the bottom of it."

"I came from a real tough neighborhood. In the local restaurant I sat down and had broken leg of lamb."

Paraphrasing from a Nat'l Lampoon album: I came from a town that was so small, that the mice were stoop shouldered.

 

goofus

Mr. Dubois, allthough the flagrant violation of the Sunshine Law is a travesty I have found something even worse. Scientists and enviromentalists have found DHMO in american streams, rivers, and lakes. Yes it's true we have found di-hydrogen monoxide in our waters. As we speak there are petitions being passed around and signed in the Cancun Climate Conference seeking the U.S. to ban dihydrogen monoxide, thus crippling our economy and our sovereignty as a nation. The offensive video of the petitions being circulated on you tube. Maybe the regurgitator could publish a poll asking readers if the banning of DHMO is bad for the economy.

Return of Dragon

I sense improvement.  Usually Dubois "heard" from an unnamed source and doesn't bother getting the info from the people involved to write a story.  I wonder if Mr. Dubois is taking journalism 101 through the University of Phoenix or one of those other online schools.

Bryan Duboys

Moderators have removed this comment because it contained personal attacks. Discussion Guidelines

Just Asking

Obviously some people don't realize the Sandusky Regurgatator is satire.

I agree that it would have been funnier if at Teddy Wears, but perhaps the Trustees were looking for the games of Clue, CSI, or a Sherlock Holmes kit to help locate the still missing weapons.  Any update on what is happening with McClung?

As far as the cookies, you must have that wrong - the former 'cookie cop' would be the one to get caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

Basement - doesn't that mean below ground level?  If the room referred to is in the basement then so is the entire PD.

I realize that Mr. Dubois does not write for or represent the SR.  But me thoughts on the Register and its so-called reporters are - They are trying to CREATE the news, not REPORT the news.  They set their on AGENDA and send out cub reporters to ask questions that fit their AGENDA when the reporter really has no idea what they are asking. 

My final thoughts are - The Board of Trustees (both current and former with Dwelle) or any Board I would hope try to do the best they can.  Unfortunately that hasn't always been the case ie the Boards during McClung's time.  There are always going to be some things simply because of their nature cannot be discussion in an open meeting.  If you were an employee or a resident would you want them to discuss all the MAYBES and ruin you name before they really found out the FACTS?  Do you really think they should be discussing litigation items in open meetings?  

I think most reasonable people understand this.  Obviously the Sandusky Register doesn't. 

Return of Dragon

Bryan can you post a message without attacks so I can read your creative response? This civility thing makes it hard for you to express yourself doesn't it?.

Just Asking

Dragon,

In case you didn't notice I don't think the comment that was removed was by Bryan Dubois.  Check the spelling.