I may be the designated booster for all things online around here, but I am painfully aware of the fact that in many ways my beloved website will never equal the good, old "dead wood" edition.
The fact is, the newspaper itself is an amazing thing -- a miracle product, maybe the most useful thing in your house. (Seriously, Doug, the publisher, has recently been on a kick about how our websites don't promote the newspaper enough. So Doug, and circulation manager Bill, this one's for you.)
Here's a list of the stuff you can do with a newspaper (besides read all the excellent news coverage written therein):
* Start a fire (but you knew that one).
* Line a bird/hamster cage.
* Protect the coffee table when you're polishing your shoes/cleaning your gun.
* Keep warm. Nothing makes a coat more effective than crumpled newspaper.
* Keep dry. Who really carries an umbrella anymore?
* Make cool hats for your kids. My Dad used to do this, and they were the perfect thing for playing 'Paul Revere.'
* Swaddle a newborn. Seriously, newsprint has antiseptic properties, so if you're ever out and about and unexpectedly have a baby, wrap it in newspaper until you can get to the hospital. I suppose it therefore would also be good for gunshot wounds for the same reason.
* Absorb odors. This is a new one on me, but the recent issue of "Cook's Illustrated" recommends it. If you have a container that has a smell, say a tupperware that housed garlic or something that resembled a failed science experiment when you found it in the back of the 'fridge, wash it, dry it, then stuff it with newspaper. In a day or two, it'll be odor free -- the ink absorbs smells.
Note: Fixed the stray comma. Thanks for the heads up.