BLOG: Clark adjusts to spotlight

Ellyn Clark
Jul 13, 2010

 Today is July 12; we are in week 27 of the FIT Challenge.

I have never been one to handle stress in a constructive way and I sometimes allow the words and actions of others to get the better of my emotions. I have always been one to wear my heart on my sleeve. I don't hide my emotions very well. My life is an open book and I am all too willing to share my thoughts, opinions and life experiences with anyone who cares enough to listen to me. 

I do not want nor need to be the center of attention, but have always believed the knowledge of another person's life experiences may benefit others and that includes my own. This is one of the reasons I appreciate the opportunity to share this journey with everyone through this blog.

I do not believe I am a local celebrity by any means. But it has been brought to my attention that I do have a small following. This is something I never expected when I entered this competition. I truly believed I would be going through this unnoticed. Really, I thought people may read about me in the paper and may read my blogs and that would be it. I'd be a passing thought. And if by some small chance, along the way on this journey, someone did pay attention and I was able to help him/her, well, AMEN!!

I'm OK with constructive criticism, but not with scrutiny. I'm not comfortable with the thought I must be careful about what I say and what I do because others are scrutinizing. There's a difference between being constructively criticized and scrutinized. Constructive criticism is being helpful. Scrutiny is when others are looking for something to go wrong or be wrong.

I'm one to say whatever pops into my head. If it's on my mind than it's usually out of my mouth. If it sounds like complaining, or it sounds like I'm angry, or it sounds like I'm happy, or if it sounds like I am being sarcastic, or it sounds like I'm sad, then it may very well be. 

All of these outward verbalizations are an expression of my inward thoughts, of my feelings. This is who I am. This is who I have always been. And now, because people are watching me, I no longer feel free to be completely myself. I no longer feel free to be me. 

Now that I have put myself out there, by being in the paper and by having this blog, I have opened myself up to scrutiny. I am not comfortable with this, nor did I expect or even give thought to it. 

But I have come to the realization by being in this competition it is something I am going to have to learn to deal with.