Winter Wasteland

Jason Singer
Mar 23, 2010

The only thing in February worst than the weather? The movies.

Every year after awards season, big studios dump their worst films onto the market and let them disappear into the cold, dark oblivion of winter.

The onslaught continues this week, with "Crossing Over," "Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience" and "Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li."

Crossing Over: Could easily have been called "Crash 2." Like Crash, it takes place in Los Angeles, and interweaves five stories about illegal immigrants trying to become citizens and achieve the American Dream. Luckily, these immigrants have Harrison Ford helping them -- an immigration officer with a heart.

Also like Crash, LA feels like it might only be six blocks by the end of movie, as every character keeps running into each other. And like Crash, overly melodramatic things happen like heavy-handed dialogue, murder and bad cops who turn immigrants into sex slaves. My American Dream? Harrison Ford stops making movies as bad as LA's air quality. Click here to watch the trailer.

Jonas Brothers, The 3D Concert Experience: I'll plead ignorance here. I know very little about the Jonas Brothers. I could hit them with my car, and not know I murdered someone famous. Frankly, I don't even know how many Jonas Brothers there are.

But I do know they are very popular with the teenie boppers. So if you're a 10-year-old girl who likes bad, bubblegum pop music, this movie is probably for you. I recommend everyone else stay away; it's been hammered critically. Click here to watch the trailer.

Street Fighter, The Legend of Chun-Li: I'll be honest, when I was little I loved Street Fighter. I remember seeing the 1994 film Street Fighter with my brother in theaters and us both wanting to be Jean Claude Van Damme. We played the video game constantly. I'm pretty sure he even had a poster of Kylie Minogue (who played Crammy) in his room.

But I saw this movie again on TV last week, and it was terrible. I expect the same from the new Street Fighter, which didn't even get screened for critics. The director, Andrzej Bartkowiak, has a remarkably sub-standard track record, with movies like Exit Wounds, Cradle 2 the Grave and Doom on his resum. Those crazy Polish people, you never know what kind of bad actions movies they'll whip up next.

Comments

MrSandusky

Ahhh Kylie Minogue...... Anyway, funny you mention the Jonas Bros. I was at a store today that was displaying a giant poster of them. The one in the middle was wearing the same necktie as Colonel Sanders of KFC fame. I said to my wife "see it does not matter how stupid you look, or if you even have your guitar plugged in, as long as Disney pays 12 year old girls to appear on tv and scream and yell your praises you are golden."

Speaking of screaming and yelling praises.....it looks like we may have a Sandusky Lebowski-fest in 2010..

jasonsinger

Ha! Maybe neckties are in now? Maybe we missed the boat?

Great about Lebowski-fest. What has occurred that makes you think it's going to be a reality? Sorry I didn't post a blog for a week. The city is trying to drown me in big stories. I'll get some more up next week.

MrSandusky

Getting a natural zesty enterprise such as a Lebowski fest to the Sandusky area is easy. I am not asking for any help from the city what so ever. Otherwise it would never happen.

I can get you a toe, or a Lebowskifest.

SCHLICKK

NO, THE WORST THING IS NOT FEBRUARY, IT'S BEING IN SANDUSKY IN FEBRUARY. GET RID OF THE LOWLIFE GOVERNMENT AND I'LL PUT UP WITH THE WEATHER.