Trouble choosing between three men

I currently have three men in my life and I am not sure what to do. With the first one, it seems our relationship is purely sexual and we’re basically off and on. We don’t really see each other any more except as friends. He called things off saying he needs time to think and sort things out. He also likes someone else and we really haven't talked since. The second guy I had a severe crush on. He moved out of state and I haven’t seen him in a while but we keep in contact on Facebook. He was actually giving me advice on the first guy and I felt really close to him. I am really missing him but he isn’t coming back here any time soon. Then there is this other guy. We have been hanging out a lot and we have everything in common from family to music and our friends. Only problem is, he seems to like another girl and he isn’t aware of my feelings.
Anonymous
Sep 26, 2012

A: It’s time to stop floating around the universe and come back down to earth. Seems to me you think you have three men in your life. One called things off and has another girl in his sights, while another isn’t even in the same area code. You may have a chance with the third if you rid yourself of the delusion that you have anything beyond a friendship with the other two, if you even have that. You can’t very well have anything with the third guy if he doesn’t even know how you feel or if you maintain some twisted fantasy with other men who are no longer significant. Get a grip on reality, begin the simple process of elimination, and concentrate on what is right in front of you.

 

Q: I am a single mom and I’ve been seeing this girl I know for about a month now. We’ve known each other for a few years but only got to know each other better recently. Everything was great at first, texting all the time, flirting, and she even told me she was falling in love with me. But recently in last few days she's been off with me. Hardly texting and saying she's busy at work. I bought her flowers the other day and she didn't seem very grateful. I'm usually the one to make a first move with everything. We're both almost 30 years old and I’m getting sick of having to do it all. Anymore, I am starting to feel terrible when I’m with her but I'm afraid to end it because I still really like her and she’s the only person giving me attention right now. My friend doesn’t like her and thinks I should beat her at her own game. I don’t want to be mean as it’s not in my nature. Now I haven't seen her in few days but we have plans soon. What should I do? I can't keep feeling like crap every time I’m with her.

A: Everything is always great at first until one of you decides to latch on like a bloodthirsty leach. It’s been a month. Typically when one starts backing away it’s because they are feeling a tad smothered. This has nothing to do with beating her at her own game. This has to do with you gaining enough self-respect and confidence that you don’t need to be the center of her attention 24-7. Besides, you have more important things to worry about like your child at home. It’s understandable that you want to be in a relationship being a single mom but until you are comfortable being by yourself, no one else is going to be very comfortable with you. When you are confident with yourself and not looking for someone else to complete you, a relationship will be like a good book: It should grab your attention in the beginning and just keep getting better as you turn each page. Although there will be parts you don’t like as much as others and there are sure to be parts that aren’t as exciting and riveting. Learn to relax a little and give her some space. Not everyday can be unicorns gleefully jumping over rainbows.

 

 

Each week in the Sunday Register, “Ask Eda” features two questions and answers on all things related to human interaction — love, dating, relationships, families and the workplace. Readers can email relationship questions to askeda@sanduskyregister.com, or mail Ask Eda, Sandusky Register, 314 W. Market St., Sandusky, OH 44870. 

Advice columnist Eda M. Handly left her job in the legal industry to start a life-coaching and relationship-advice business based in Sandusky. Her website is love-sources.com.

 

Comments

G_Richardson

Question #1 A Time to restock the shelves. The first guy likes you as the last resort. The second guy physically moved out of state and the third guy from my guess is probably gay (Any guy who can sit around discussing everything from music to Friends to what shade your drapes are that hasnt made a move on a woman who is bouncing three guys around might not even be into your gender)Go out and play the field,The drama you will create will be more than enough to satisfy your pleas for attention. The local scene has alot to offer for a woman that doesnt mind having a stable of guys.
Question #2 A. One month is not enough time to find out really anything about one another." Anymore, I am starting to feel terrible when I’m with her but I'm afraid to end it because I still really like her and she’s the only person giving me attention right now" If you need attention im sure there are more people out there that will give it to you. Your in for some compitition though, The 2:15ers at the local bars are mostly all spoken for by 12:30. So my advice is to find the one old chick at the bar that everyone knows and somtimes call "Mom" before they go out fishing for swordfish and try to pick her up. After living most of her life sitting in the bar with the same old fuddy duddys she might be willing to change it up a bit by swinging the other way. You never know before you try and 30 is the new 20 so dont rush into a relationship with a woman too quickly they always have a alterior motive.

LabMan

LMAO....back in form G_Richardson

Phil Packer

G: Your advice is worse than both your grammar and your comedy.

Julie R.

Geez, oh pete. That first one that says she has 3 men in her life sounds like a real psycho --- one for sure that's living in a fantasy world.

The 2nd one .... duh, no comment.

deertracker

LOL @ G_Richardson. You are probably right too!

Good 2 B Me

Why do these people play these games? Get some self respect and stop playing second fiddle to ANYONE!

KURTje

Whew! Thanks G_Richarson---------------ROCK THIS SITE!! AHAHAHWHS WSH

whopper2011

I have a question for EDA. Why can't you answer the questions without berating the people who ask the questions. Calling people "bloodsucking leeches" or telling them to "get a life" isn't helpful, just hurtful.

starryeyes83

Probably what professional life coaches get paid the high $$ for, dontcha know , hell, anyones family member could tell 'em the same thing for free.

wiredmama222

If the SR doesn't hire G_Richardson and ditch EDA I will stop cry. I read this only to get the "G"'s perspective. LOL....love it.

Peachy Keen

If nothing else, Ask Eda proves that there are a lot of clueless, delusional, trashy and stupid women in this town.

Kelly

I can't believe anyone actually thinks that this is a real column. Everything about it from the ridiculous questions to the rude responses from "Eda" are so obviously fake.

luvblues2

It's no different than "Dear Abby" or any soap opera on TV. Just like what they want to call "reality tv". It's all staged fluff and stupid brain candy.

luvblues2

I could write letters to myself and act stupid as a sack of hammers and then turn around and answer myself like I had 'em all. How hard is that to do to make a paycheck?

luvblues2

Then after awhile, I'd write myself back and tell me what good advice that I gave me. It has turned my life around! Thank me so very much!

LabMan
KURTje

Thanks LabMan. Godda wonder here....she (Eda) called herself a Puma. Her "future husband" called her a Cougar. Is not a mountain lion the same also? Me-thinks it is so. Sounds like Eda is confused. Anywho Eda, if you happen to read here for some reason, understand that we WANT G_Richarson.