Is my troubled relationship doomed?

Q: I'm having trouble with an on-and-off relationship. We both love each other, but in the last 14 months that we have known each other I was accused of stealing from her family, she then cheated on me, so I relapsed on drugs and really did steal from her. I'm clean again and since all of that we are still in contact, still see each other, we are still best friends and still in love with each other. She keeps me a secret from her family and friends. I didn't know this until somewhat recently, and it made me feel like she was stringing me along for her own selfish reasons.
Anonymous
Oct 3, 2012

 

It’s driving me crazy she says she loves me but if you love someone why would you keep it a secret? I'm making poor decisions in our relationship because of the stress, lies, and secrets. We have tried splitting up but we keep coming back. We are best friends and miss each other dearly when we are separated. I feel like our relationship was doomed from the beginning.  I am willing to put the legwork in if we can be happy but it seems like it’s one thing after another with us. Please help! 
 

A: This isn’t an on-and-off relationship, this is completely rancid. And you would be correct in your assumption that it was doomed from the beginning. For crying out loud, you’ve only been at this for 14 months and you have as many issues as Bonnie and Clyde. All you need now is a couple pistols, a stolen car, and a few aggravated felonies under your belts and the two of you are golden!

You can’t continue in such a toxic relationship due to the obscene challenges you're already facing with your sobriety. Of course she is going to keep you a secret. Apparently her family knows of your past and she doesn’t want to rock the boat with them or she’s embarrassed to be associated with you. Although you don’t allude to it, if it’s an issue, she may very well be struggling to stay drug-free herself. You have more important things to worry about, like staying clean.

You can’t exchange one obsession for another and you most certainly can’t continue to subject yourself to such a negative environment and expect to continue successfully down the road to recovery. When you make a decision to take control of your life and rid yourself of a certain lifestyle, that includes the people you associate with who make things that much more difficult to do so. You want unconditional love and respect with no lies or secrets? At this juncture in your life-healing-rebuilding process, get a puppy because you’re not yet ready for a relationship.

 

Each week in the Sunday Register, “Ask Eda” features two questions and answers on all things related to human interaction — love, dating, relationships, families and the workplace. Readers can email relationship questions to askeda@sanduskyregister.com, or mail Ask Eda, Sandusky Register, 314 W. Market St., Sandusky, OH 44870. 

Advice columnist Eda M. Handly left her job in the legal industry to start a life-coaching and relationship-advice business based in Sandusky. Her website is love-sources.com.

 

Comments

starryeyes83

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starryeyes83

ZZzzzzzzz!

Phil Packer

Have a few kids~that'll bring you closer together.

God Of Thunder

That's it..tell them they need a couple of pistols.. That's what 2 nut cases need to hear... For god sakes, get away from each other... I think this Eda needs some help in advice giving.... Secrets are never good in any relationship.. Find someone else and get away from the one who isn't proud of you... Don't let a relationship bring you back to a low point... SR....Get someone else for relationship advice, not someone who tells a person who is vulnerable to get 2 pistols and compare them to a movie.. That's insane..

PS

I agree!!

G_Richardson

Q#1 A. Your original thought is correct, "Your relationship is doomed" But that doesnt mean you can't ride that pony for all its worth and have fun while your at it. "I'm making poor decisions in our relationship because of the stress, lies, and secrets." If you cannot handle the art of Lieing,Stressing and keeping secrets you will never have a relationship worth a darn so use this run through as a practice run. Shoot you relapsed and stole from her, Her head is buried in like a tick and she will not leave you no matter what you do. So practice your lieing and keeping secrets by starting small with "Your hair looks great!" and work your way up to "I have to work late" while you work your new found skills down at the bar impressing the lasses with your calm demeanor. When you have mastered the art of appeasing your mate by lieing, Keeping calm in high stress situations and being able to keep secrets.(DO NOT RUN AROUND SAYING YOUR A DRUG ADDICT)You might have a shot a finding a woman that does'nt turn you into a complete train wreck and have a real relationship.

whopper2011

I hope that the editors of the SR are paying attention because G_Richardson's comments are so much better than "Ada". She is a complete joke, just as this column is.

wiredmama222

LOL...OMG, I cannot believe you said this. LOL. But given HER advise it must be ok. What a waste of space this part of the SR this is. Who is the EDA anyway. Get pistols? OMG.

G_Richardson, you should have her spot. LOL

Phil Packer

Not funny, and can't spell. Lieing? Good Lord. The SR SHOULD hire you~you'd fit right in.

queenjhb

your right, your relationship is doomed, grow up , be apart,see others, maybe check back in in 2 years

allrhetoricanyway

This whole portion of the SR needs to be re-railed to a fully separate "rag" that the people who are so concerned in intimate details of others lives can buy at the grocery store check out!! The rare occasion that I look on sr.com and see this befuddles me why they would ever take up room for crap that is already on facebook?? What another low!!!

whopper2011

I agree with you 100%. This is a complete waste of space-and yet another way that the Register fills space without actually doing any reporting.

KURTje

Your hair looks great! AHAHH G Fas AGXJZSXGH C Thanxs again G_Richardson. HIRE THIS MAN S. R!

rjk1915

Idiot. Bonny and Clyde wasn't "a movte".

rjk1915

The Register is a good paper. I read a paper from a city ten time the size of Sandusky and it does a far poorer job.

rjk1915

The Register is a good paper. I read a paper from a city ten time the size of Sandusky and it does a far poorer job.

starryeyes83

Personally, I think this column is doomed. It gets more ridiculous as time goes on.

JMHO, of course. ;] ;]

starryeyes83

Personally, I think this column is doomed. It gets more ridiculous as time goes on.

JMHO, of course. ;] ;]

starryeyes83

wow anyone else having trouble with duoble posting? Yikes. I hate this new fromat. If it wasn't broke in the first place why fix it?

iamrevolutionary

@starry eyes
AGREED!!!

Mrs. Smith

Guns...stolen car...felonies... Doesn't anyone appreciate great sarcasm anymore? Now, read the rest of Eda's advice, and she really is spot on.

tk

Personally, I think these two are a perfect match. They deserve each other. Who else in their right mind would want either one of them?

mrmorency

is this real life?

Randy_Marsh

Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide...

whopper2011

If Eda's Legal Advice is as good as her relationship advice, no wonder she left the Legal field. She should be wearing a paper hat and asking people if they "want fries with that"