Trouble choosing between three men
Sep 26, 2012 at 4:03 PM
A: It’s time to stop floating around the universe and come back down to earth. Seems to me you think you have three men in your life. One called things off and has another girl in his sights, while another isn’t even in the same area code. You may have a chance with the third if you rid yourself of the delusion that you have anything beyond a friendship with the other two, if you even have that. You can’t very well have anything with the third guy if he doesn’t even know how you feel or if you maintain some twisted fantasy with other men who are no longer significant. Get a grip on reality, begin the simple process of elimination, and concentrate on what is right in front of you.
Q: I am a single mom and I’ve been seeing this girl I know for about a month now. We’ve known each other for a few years but only got to know each other better recently. Everything was great at first, texting all the time, flirting, and she even told me she was falling in love with me. But recently in last few days she's been off with me. Hardly texting and saying she's busy at work. I bought her flowers the other day and she didn't seem very grateful. I'm usually the one to make a first move with everything. We're both almost 30 years old and I’m getting sick of having to do it all. Anymore, I am starting to feel terrible when I’m with her but I'm afraid to end it because I still really like her and she’s the only person giving me attention right now. My friend doesn’t like her and thinks I should beat her at her own game. I don’t want to be mean as it’s not in my nature. Now I haven't seen her in few days but we have plans soon. What should I do? I can't keep feeling like crap every time I’m with her.
A: Everything is always great at first until one of you decides to latch on like a bloodthirsty leach. It’s been a month. Typically when one starts backing away it’s because they are feeling a tad smothered. This has nothing to do with beating her at her own game. This has to do with you gaining enough self-respect and confidence that you don’t need to be the center of her attention 24-7. Besides, you have more important things to worry about like your child at home. It’s understandable that you want to be in a relationship being a single mom but until you are comfortable being by yourself, no one else is going to be very comfortable with you. When you are confident with yourself and not looking for someone else to complete you, a relationship will be like a good book: It should grab your attention in the beginning and just keep getting better as you turn each page. Although there will be parts you don’t like as much as others and there are sure to be parts that aren’t as exciting and riveting. Learn to relax a little and give her some space. Not everyday can be unicorns gleefully jumping over rainbows.
Each week in the Sunday Register, “Ask Eda” features two questions and answers on all things related to human interaction — love, dating, relationships, families and the workplace. Readers can email relationship questions to firstname.lastname@example.org, or mail Ask Eda, Sandusky Register, 314 W. Market St., Sandusky, OH 44870.
Advice columnist Eda M. Handly left her job in the legal industry to start a life-coaching and relationship-advice business based in Sandusky. Her website is love-sources.com.