Washington could use some Congressional game shows.
With only 76 shopping days left, the 113th Congress is preparing to become the 114th as most members of the House have bolted from Washington and are spending their five-week summer recess campaigning to be sent back to the halls of Congress they’ve escaped as the November mid-term elections draw near.
Ironically, the issues they will be campaigning to resolve on the campaign trail are the very ones they left unresolved in Washington. Hard to believe that the Kardashian family has probably kept more wedding vow promises than Congress has kept vows of campaign promises.
Because most of the Congressional candidates are repeat offenders, err, incumbents, they, as elected veteran campaigning officeholders, often give the perception that what is going on in Washington is just one game after another game for them.
Perhaps Congress, to generate public interest, should consider switching to a game show format so we, as constituents, can better keep track and follow the progress of our elected contestants.
Who knows? Maybe viewership will rise on C-SPAN. After all it was 10 years ago when Ken Jennings made his 75 appearances on Jeopardy!, which not only increased the show’s ratings but is 38 less scheduled appearances the House has for all of this year.
For possible Late Show Top Ten legal actions I will only list my Lucky Seven game show ideas Congress could use:
The Match Game
The concept of this would be to keep voting on legislation until both sides matched what the voters sent them there to pass. Plus it would be reminiscent to hear the new host ask in the spirit of the late great Gene Rayburn:
“Dumb Dora was so dumb that instead of going to see congressmen in the Congressional House she went to the ________ House”
Let’s Make A Deal
Hosted by former lobbyist Jack Abramoff, this would involve our elected officials not wearing their elephant and donkey costumes to make deals for U.S. citizens instead of for themselves.
That’s right — no more choosing between curtain number one, two or three, as the only prize they would receive for making deals outside Congress would be a stay at Abramoff’s alma mater.
The Federal Correctional Institution in Cumberland, Maryland.
The Price Is Right
This will test Congress members’ ability to make sure there are no added hidden spending appropriations in localized projects that benefit the recipients solely for their past and future political support.
Any U.S. Representative found guilty of this practice would be spayed or neutered by both Bob Barker and Drew Carey.
Halftime show: This Saturday’s ArenaBowl XXVII will be played in Cleveland at Quicken Loans Arena as the hometown indoor football team, the Gladiators, will attempt to win the city’s first professional sports championship since Cleveland’s indoor soccer team, the Crunch, won the National Professional Soccer League Championship in 1999.
There’s a hint for the Browns and Indians seeking their first championship in over 50 years.
Or sign LeBron.
You Bet Your Life
The moderator of this game, as Groucho did over 60 years ago, would continuously ask our congressmen questions that verify their background experience in order to place them on the committee or sub-committee suitable to their qualifications.
Plus, if they say the magic word, they wouldn’t win a $100 of taxpayers’ money but rather something of equal value — Speaker of the House for a week.
Wheel of Fortune
Watch as Congress spins the wheel to determine what the topic of debate would be for their scheduled sessions as Vanna White doesn’t just turn a letter but the whole subject matter and announces what they are, such as immigration, education, foreign policy and the ever-popular, etc.
Why does Vanna speak?
Because as we all know, Congress has trouble identifying the issues.
Are You Smarter Than A Fifth-Grader?
The thought-provoking question about this game is not how many congressmen would have to “copy” or “peek” from a fifth-grader — they all would — but how many fifth-graders they would put on their staff.
Of course it probably wouldn’t happen as fifth-graders are smarter than Congress.
Turns out Congress has been in the game show business for years, as they’ve been playing their own version of “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” “High Rollers” “The Liars Club” “I’ve got a Secret” “Tic Tac Dough” “The Jokers Wild” and “Sale of the Century” to name a few.
Unfortunately the only game show Congress could participate in that would hold the interest of most Americans is:
The Gong Show