Q: I've been in a 'relationship' for about a little over a year. When I say relationship I mean train wreck. He and I lived together for awhile and broke up but of course we still call each other for sex. I mean it's absolutely mind blowing! For awhile it was complete hate sex, but then of course, we started attaching conversation to our meet-ups and it just got so confusing. We both are dating other people but keep sleeping with each other. Last night he even said, "I always say I'm not going to come back to you but here I am in your bed again." Like a moron I broke down crying telling him I loved him and I'd leave my current guy for him. He told me he cared about me too much to have me make that mistake and he feels bad hurting his current girlfriend and we shouldn't do this anymore. I know it's wrong. I hate being a cheater and I hate being with my jerk for an ex. But I am completely 100 percent head over heels in love with the worthless idiot.
I told him we're both drugs to each other, we're toxic, no good, but cannot get away from one another. What do I do? I've tried books, online blogs, dating others, everything. It's impossible. Help! I'm scared I will do this forever. We've tried cutting each other off but one of us caves. My friends told me they're scared if I were to ever get married and ran into my ex, I wouldn't have a marriage anymore. That's what it's come to. It's easier said than done to walk away. I'm hooked, I'm high, and I'm on cloud nine when I'm with him.
A: Let me start with this really isn’t the train wreck you think it is, after all it could be a lot worse. I understand what you’re going through and many of us have been there. You’re ex is a complete jerk but you melt at the sight of him. But, you’re not in love with this guy. Let’s call it for what it really is here; lust. You are right, however, that you shouldn’t be cheating on your current guy. I don’t need to tell you how extremely selfish it is on your part. Not to mention if your guy ever found out you would be considered the jerk and probably scar him for life!
You call your ex a jerk and an idiot but he’s good enough to keep inviting back into your bed (one you happen to share with the rebound). You obviously know how bad this is for you and you sound like a pretty intelligent girl. Therefore, I am sure you also know that only you can stop this nonsense. This has to come from you; unless of course he is the one to finally end it, in turn breaking your heart again. You have identified that action is needed now you have to find the strength and the courage to put your thoughts into action. I agree with your friends; if you continue down this path you’re going to end up being a (insert age here) married cougar prowling for her next victim.
You simply cut him off. I also believe you should break it off with the rebound. Rebounds never work, especially once you cheat on them. You have built a relationship with him based on lies and deceit. He deserves better. Cut your loses and get outta dodge. Be by yourself for a while. Don’t sell yourself short for a periodic romp in the sack with someone you don’t even like or respect, mind blowing sex or not.