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Keep your pants on

Eda M. Handly • Jul 10, 2013 at 3:00 PM

Q: Well I've been having trouble on and off controlling my hormones and sexual feelings. I’ve had two STDs in the past year and three new sex partners. I have seven in total, which is crazy because I lost my virginity last year in August. I feel really bad about what I've been doing. I feel like a completely different person and I don't like this change. I recently betrayed a close friend of mine and I'm just lost. I use to be the friend everyone could talk to about their problems and give great advice. Now they all don't trust me anymore with anything. Guys only want me for sex, which I use to brag about but I have so much more to offer. My question is what can I do to change the direction I'm going into? I feel helpless and I want to be the person I was before all of this.

A: The first thing you can do is close your legs and pull up your pants. It’s one thing to experiment and explore your sexuality responsibly while having some respect for yourself, it’s quite another to offer yourself up as the two-dollar lunch special at an all you can eat buffet. You want to be the person you were before all of this? Not going to happen. You’re no longer that sweet, innocent little girl everyone turned to. And you can’t be her again. But you can be the girl who lost her way for a while, learned a few hard lessons, and become a better person because of it. You made some mistakes, big deal. You’re not the first and you certainly won’t be the last. Now you just have to dust yourself off, drop the guilt, and start moving in the direction you want to go. You may be able to reconcile with your friends, maybe not. And people will always talk, regardless if they know your past or not. Either way, don’t let that deter you. Remember, you are the only one who has to look yourself in the mirror. And only you can make the decision to move forward and be a better person from here on out. But you can never go back. Obviously it wasn’t all that great anyway or you wouldn’t have ended up here. Let both of those “identities” guide you to who you really are. Our past is sometimes ugly and may often be labeled as regrettable, but we are never defined by it.

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