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It's life, not Teen Mom

Eda M. Handly • Jun 12, 2013 at 3:10 PM

Q: I'm 18 and 37 weeks pregnant. My baby's father left a few weeks after we found out and refuses to tell his family and denies it to his friends. Anyways, this led me to another guy who is also my age and we went to school together as kids. I was about 16 weeks pregnant when we hung out and it was just through a mutual friend. After that we went on a couple dates and he knew I was pregnant. He asked me to be his girlfriend but the past month or two he's been going back and forth. His family isn't too thrilled that he's dating a pregnant girl and they say he's messing up his life by being with me. He's on the verge of breaking up for good. He says he loves my baby but doesn’t think he will get over the fact that my first-born isn't his. I don't understand why his family can't just accept the fact that it's his life and if he makes a mistake so be it. But I am not and will not accept any help from him. I only want him to be my boyfriend. Not a dad to my daughter. Maybe in the future, but not right now. I do love this guy but it's so hard dealing with "I'm sorry I can’t take my family anymore," to "I love you and I was just being dumb." I shouldn't be this stressed and I guess I'm asking for advice on how to handle the situation. I can't lose him. He has been my rock through this whole experience.

A: You shouldn’t be this stressed over a guy who is making a decision to not get involved in a situation that is extremely detrimental to his future. And frankly, I don’t blame his family for feeling the way they do. You should be more stressed about the guy who helped create your current “condition” and took off without a second thought. The last thing you need right now is a boyfriend. You need to consider how your life is going to rapidly change in a few short weeks once you have another human being to take care of other than yourself. How can you expect yet another guy to take on a responsibility he isn’t ready for? The more important question is, are you ready? You’re not looking for anyone to be dad? You shouldn’t be because that baby already has a dad. Once that baby is born you better have the court papers ready to get a DNA test done and file for child support. Once the court has the DNA test, the father can’t deny it any longer and will be forced to, at least, take financial responsibility. Do you have a support system other than this “boyfriend” who rightfully can’t decide if he wants to wear that title? It’s time to lean on your family and figure out your life and the future of your child’s life before worrying about how to handle this situation. You have entirely too much on your plate right now, and this should not be your first priority. Get your life together and worry about taking care of that baby. Men will come later. This isn’t an episode of Teen Mom. Welcome to reality.

Q: My girl got out of a serious relationship of four years. We have been dating for four months now. Everything was going fine until she said everything was going too fast. Now she says she's confused and doesn't know what she wants as far as sex, kissing, etc. So I said okay, but it's going to be hard to do things one to one so it has to stop. So anyway, a week ago she calls me up asking to do a bunch of things together and I'm confused because I don't know if she feels she made a mistake or is she playing me? Do I make another move on her?

A: The girl has just freed herself from a four-year relationship. Give her a break! I hope she has enough sense not to rebound right into another. She’s not playing you. She sounds like she’s interested and enjoys your company. But when she says things are going too fast, that’s exactly what she means. There are no lines to read between there. Chill out and let things happen. Just because she wants to hang out doesn’t mean she’s ready to take it further. Last I checked, slow down meant — slow down. What’s confusing about that?


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