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Starving for 'soup'

Eda M. Handly • May 8, 2013 at 3:00 PM

Q: My fiancée and I have been together for years. We have beautiful children together and my family is literally my life. She and I used to literally read each other's minds and could not exist without each other to the point that it would drive our friends crazy. Lately, as of the last year and a half or so, we just don't seem to click anymore. I am under constant and overwhelming scrutiny, which may have made my temper a bit more present. I just can’t seem to do anything right in her eyes anymore and I'm surely trying like hell. Again, I absolutely live for my family and they, most definitely my beautiful fiancé, are on my mind every waking moment. But I'm running out of options and patience here. I cannot imagine living without her or not seeing and holding my children every day, but the lack of respect and affection are killing me. Help!

A: Many couples who have been together a while go through a time when things don’t quite seem as in sync as they once were. I completely understand what you are going through; you feel unappreciated, a tad beaten down, and rightfully, a bit temperamental because of it. One can only take so much. It could be that her behavior has nothing to do with you in particular. Regardless, it’s no excuse for her to strut around like the Soup Nazi making foolish demands, withholding affections when they’re not met to her pristine standards and screaming, “No sex for you!” And maybe, you’re trying too hard. Whatever her issue happens to be, instead of playing the victim and wallowing in her failure to embrace your eager attempts to prove your dedication, it could be the perfect time to politely, yet sternly, enlighten her as to the bully she has become. After a while, it seems like everything else becomes more important; children to take care of, deadlines to make, and bills that must be paid. Somewhere along the lines the two of you forgot to nourish the one thing that is most important, the one thing that holds it all together; your relationship with each other. It’s time to sit her down and explain to her this behavior is no longer acceptable. Period. If things don’t begin to even out after a good heart to heart and laying it all out on the table, then you will have a decision to make. Do you want soup or do you want to starve?

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