Leave Feedback

no avatar

My boyfriend is 'swag,' I'm not

Anonymous • Mar 6, 2013 at 3:00 PM

Q: Today my ex called me and was all upset because apparently everyone was trying to get a hold of her in the past couple of days. She was really sick and had her phone turned off because she didn't want to be bothered. Which is understandable. Yesterday after a community function I went by her house to drop off her belated birthday presents. We didn't end our relationship on bad terms. We are best friends and the bond between us is even stronger. I knocked on her door and I woke her up, wasn't intentional but she lives in a bad neighborhood and I didn't want to leave her gifts on her doorstep.

She opened the door and it's very apparent she is ill, so I left her the gifts and I went back home. Later on I get a message from her good friend asking if I had heard anything from my ex. I told her yeah she's very sick and has her phone off. She then tells me she was worried sick because she kept leaving voice mails on my ex’s phone and got no response back. Today, I get a call from my ex, she is yelling and cussing me out and accusing me of hyping up the situation. I got very angry with her and told her that everyone came to me asking where she was. It was infuriating to say the least. I told her that I just dropped by to give her the presents and be on my way.

After I got some sense into the situation with her over the phone, she apologized and thanked me for being there when she needed it. I was telling her how much she drives me crazy, but she knew that I still had feelings for her. I was still mad at her, but she called while I was in the middle of making dinner. My food was getting cold and I told her that but she didn't want me to hang up. She wanted me on the phone while she opened her gifts, so I agreed. She told me to call right back after I was done, so I did. Do you think there is something there?

A: Sure there’s something there. It’s called a narcissistic attitude. She knows you still have feelings for her and she’s completely taking advantage. Break ups aren’t typically mutual, and I assume she was the one who said, “I just need some space but we can still be friends!” How very cliché of her. She wants you to leave her alone when she’s sick or doesn’t want to be bothered, yet when she says, "Jump," you ask, "How high?" That would be the first problem. Second, why is her “good” friend calling you when she can’t get a hold of her BFF? Are you their personal assistant? I know you like to believe you can be best friends with your ex, and maybe if you stick around long enough she will realize how good you are for her. However, if the “bond” between you is even stronger, she wouldn’t be an ex.

Q: I guess you can say my boyfriend fits into that whole swag person category. You know, with the hats and the rap music and such. The thing is that I know those type of guys are always attracted to a certain type of girly girl, with a curvy body and perfect hair and makeup. I am none of those things. I don't have that kind of body. I don't have that kind of mindset. I'd actually fit more into the Goth category so you can't really blame me for being surprised when he told me he liked me and I liked him back. We're complete opposites. And because of that I feel unsure about his feelings towards me. I even think to myself, "Why would he choose to be with me when he could have any one of those types of girls?" And I really don't like thinking this way.

A: Apparently your boyfriend is attracted to you and your “category” or he wouldn’t be with you. Why would you be surprised? Just because you the two of you have differing styles doesn’t mean you can’t date each other. Lest you forget, opposites do tend to attract.  You’re being too stereotypical. And worse, you’re not conveying any confidence in yourself. If you were truly happy with your style and unique flair you wouldn’t think twice about whether he really desires to be with “those types of girls.” Stop second-guessing if you should be with him because you don’t fit some conventional, cookie-cutter mold you think he wants. Unsure about how he really feels? All you have to do is ask.


Recommended for You