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Am I overreacting to my boyfriend not answering the phone?

Anonymous • Jan 2, 2013 at 3:23 PM

Q: I've been talking to this guy for over three months and we recently started dating three weeks ago. When we’re together we play, joke, have fun, and cuddle but when we’re not together, I over react because he doesn't show me the same attention. I try to control my anger about him not picking up the phone but I end up cussing him out because I see him on social sites when I try to call. It’s been a year since I’ve been in a relationship so could I be just over reacting? For example, my daughter recently had a birthday party and I asked him if he wanted to attend. Since we haven't been together that long I understood if he didn't feel comfortable. But when I called him every few hours, his phone kept going to voicemail. Should I just break it off before my daughter gets attached or play the same games he's playing? Should I stop calling and acting concern?

A: Are you old enough to have a daughter? Because the maturity level you convey is not registering as a responsible and levelheaded adult. I can only assume that he does not have any children and both of you are very young. He’s not playing games with you, he’s trying to tell you he’s not ready to play house without saying a word and hoping you’ll get the picture. Three weeks is a tad early to introduce him to your child especially when he isn’t showing an interest. And it seems you need to reevaluate your priorities. Stop spending hours trying to reach some guy who spends the majority of his time on social networking sites and start being a mother to that little girl. You can grow up and find your strength as a woman or you can continue to try and find a man to save you. Whichever path you decide to take, years down the road your daughter will mirror your behavior.


Q: My ex and I dated for about four months. He called me every single day and would tell me how beautiful I am and how he was really interested in me. After we hung out he would text me, tell me he missed me, and how my smile would brighten his day. He told me he told his friend how amazing I was and he was always talking about future plans and how he was excited about what this was turning into. We even met each other’s family.

 After a couple months he enlisted in the military. Then he broke up with me because he was supposed to be leaving for boot camp soon. But we decided to get back together and date exclusively while taking things slow. He’s been very distant because he was focusing on getting this job so he didn't have to join the Army and had excuses to why we couldn't hang out. He told me he's not focused on me, his feelings changed, and he's already in a new relationship. I don’t understand how one minute we’re making all these plans and the next he’s met someone new.

A: He’s in a new relationship all right, with the government. By the sounds of it, the two of you had a pretty good thing going until it was time for him to shove off. I gather his intentions were to break things off before he had to leave and you were OK with that. Then, for whatever reason, he thought he could find a job and forget about signing his name on the dotted line. Once someone enlists with the military and signs that contract, there is no turning back. He is now the property of the U.S. Army. Of course, I’m not sure how boot camp spells break up; people do it everyday and maintain relationships, marriages, and even children. Seems to me his affliction is due to a change of heart in his commitment to the military, not you.


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