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I'm getting mixed messages from a younger man

Anonymous • Dec 26, 2012 at 3:26 PM

Q: Alright, so to start off, this guy is younger than I am. He is mature for his age and I’ve had a crush on him since last year. I finally got the nerve to talk to him. We started talking a few days ago, and we became close really fast. He figured out that I like him, without me telling him. We are really open when we talk. I feel completely comfortable talking to him about anything. We have even discussed dating. Well last night, he told me he doesn't really want a relationship, because he has been hurt. He doesn't want to be hurt again. He also said he wants to take things as they happen. How can I get him to see this is a good thing? Every time I try to leave, he asks me to stay. He also talks to me while playing video games. I think he and I would be really good together. I just don't know how to make him see it. Is there anything I can say or do to help my situation?

A: You can do a lot to help your situation. First understand that you cannot possibly feel that close to anyone within a matter of days. Well, unless you’re a preschooler who lacks any concept of time or rational thought process. Relax before you scare the poor guy off. At this point, I’m scared! You’ve only discussed dating and yet you’re ready to walk him down the isle. He sounds like a pretty intelligent guy and you should simply let things happen. If you try to shove the commitment pill down his throat before he’s prepared, he will more than likely regurgitate it.  


Q: When I graduated from college last year, my friend and former coach who I have known for a long time (she's quite a bit older) offered me a job. She is a contractor and has a small company. I had never really been interested in that type of business, but since she seemed to be in need, I accepted the job. Now, what's happened is that I end up working long hours, between 45 and 50 hours a week, and only getting paid for 40 hours a week. On top of that, I have to put up with her disorganization, and yelling at me whenever something goes wrong, despite the fact that I knew nothing about the business going into it. I talked with her about these problems a few months ago, and told her I was going to quit if things didn't change, and well she stopped yelling so much, and for a few weeks, I got compensation for the extra hours. Then the compensation stopped, and I know that money was tight for her, so I didn't ask for it. I've been working myself up to ask her for a raise, and today I brought it up when I was on the phone with her. I asked her if when the money started coming in more a few weeks from now, if I could get a raise. She didn't react well, and said she'd call me back and hung up. Hours later she called me back, explaining that it's a small business and she doesn't have the money. I told her that it wasn't fair that everyone else on her payroll i.e. the laborers get paid hourly, but I'm on salary, and get paid for less time than I actually put in. She told me to start keeping track of hours and I'd get paid hourly, and that it was unprofessional for me to ask for a raise over the phone. While she might be right about that, and I trust that she'll pay me for the overtime I've worked, I feel our relationship has been damaged by this whole situation. We used to be very close, but it seems that working so closely has been toxic to our relationship. Does anyone have any advice on how to fix the rift that I feel is growing between us?

A: It was unprofessional of you to ask for a raise by phone; it’s even more unprofessional of her to not compensate an employee for work completed, on time. Her budget was tight? Whose isn’t? I suggest you begin looking for another job unless you enjoy working for free. This obviously isn’t working out and you really can’t trust that she will pay you what is owed. She may be a good friend but a good business person she is not.


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