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Should I worry about my boyfriend's female friend?

Anonymous • Dec 5, 2012 at 3:15 PM

Q: My boyfriend has a strange relationship with his best friend who is a girl. We’ve been dating for a while now and he told me about this friend who recently moved away to Arizona and they're really close. He says that they had feelings for each other about two years ago but never dated and that he got over her a long time ago. But they're always exchanging hearts on each other's wall on Facebook and I feel like there's still something between them. He gets upset when I bring it up and we've had multiple fights about it. It's something I can just never seem to get over, yet I don't want to see him go. We almost broke up over it about three weeks ago, but he said he really didn't want to lose me. It's getting to me and I don't know what to do anymore.

A: Well, you feel there is still something between them because there is, a history and a long-standing friendship. Just because you have entered the picture doesn’t make people in his past disappear and they will likely remain to some extent in his future. If they are best friends an insignificant heart on his wall is simply a small symbol that they care for each other. Mature individuals are able to do this without fearing someone will take it the wrong way. I’m sure he gets upset over it because your reactions are making him feel like you don’t trust him. It’s not like this girl is a threat, she’s thousands of miles away and you don’t speak of any other reason why she may be a force that could interfere with your relationship. Right now, your insecure attitude about the situation is the only destructive energy. Confidence will keep a man much longer than jealousy.


Q: I’m going to a concert with two girls, a friend and her sister, and I’m not sure how to behave. I don’t really like going to clubs and parties because of the dancing and I’m more introverted so I’m not much of a people person. I kind of like the girl but our relationship is weird. We started out sort of dating in March and just lost contact over the summer. We recently started talking again not long ago and she invited me to join her and her sister to this concert. I’m just a bit nervous as I don’t know her sister and I don’t like dancing but I don’t want to seem boring either. I’m not sure if she likes me or not so I have no idea if I should act like it’s a date. I’ve been to a few concerts and it’s usually just me sitting enjoying the show not up dancing and acting goofy. I really don’t want to blow it with this girl.

A: Not sure how to behave? How about just being yourself? No one said you had to be an extrovert flailing around like a star-struck-tween at a Justin Bieber concert. Obviously this girl likes you just the way you are otherwise she wouldn’t have invited you to begin with. So you don’t know her sister, big deal. This is not only a chance to meet someone new but also get in good with the family if you like this girl. Maybe she simply wants to put a little cushion in between the two of you while she feels out the situation. Maybe they both simply happen to be fans of the artist and she remembered you like the artist as well.  Whatever you do, do not go with the faintest notion this is a date. If this were a date, she would tell you and she wouldn’t have her sister tagging along; at least I hope not. All you have to do is go to the concert, enjoy the show, and the company. Let the rest fall into place all on it’s own.


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