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Should I start a physical relationship with my best friend?

Anonymous • Nov 21, 2012 at 3:40 PM

Q: I just broke up with my girlfriend for legitimate reasons. Anyway my best friend is also female. We moved in together along with my girlfriend and my friend and I have grown really close. We have also told each other that we have feelings for one another. We ignored it for a while and just continued to grow our friendship, as my relationship went from bad to worse.

My best friend was always there to give me advice when I needed it but most of all she cared and didn't put her emotions into her advice. The last couple of days we have laid it on the table that we care a lot about each other but neither of us wants anything serious. She said that she wants us to continue to be friends but with benefits. What is your advice on this and how do I get closer to her? I would love to cuddle and watch a movie or share a hug, but I don't know if she feels the same and I don't want to rush anything seeing as how I just got out of a relationship and because she is my best friend and I don't want to damage that.

A: You lucky dog! The last thing you should be considering right now is how to get closer. You have a unique opportunity here to have someone in your life who cares about you and receive most of the benefits of a relationship without all the complicated concerns of actually being a couple. Friends with benefits, well, it’s pretty self-explanatory. As far as damaging your friendship, the only thing that may accomplish that is you accepting her offer and trying to make more of it than it is. If you think the two of you are adult enough to handle this type of relationship, then go for it. There is really nothing to lose as long as you’re both honest and forthcoming.

However, don’t expect anything more than what is laid out in the beginning. You both need to establish rules and boundaries. If there comes a time when one of you wants or needs more, then you talk about it together and possibly redefine the relationship.

The only thing I should add is I hope the ex is no longer living with the two of you. That would just be weird and awkward. You must first close that door completely otherwise it may swing back blunt force and knock you right on your backside.


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