Q: I don't want to have any regrets in life. Will I regret breaking up with my boyfriend now that I’m in college? We've been together four years but we're both so young and there is so much we both want to do with our lives. I don't know if the effort and time put into the relationship is going to be worth it. Especially as it seems like I'm always the one putting in the effort. At 18, is it worth the commitment? Do I need to meet more people before I choose someone I want to spend my life with? If you love someone, do you really know, because all I have had recently are doubts?
A: If you’re having doubts, you obviously know something; it’s not likely to work when you’re ready to spread your wings and take flight. A four-year relationship is a long time but I’m not sure I would call a high school sweetheart a relationship per say. Both of you have many lessons to learn and many more experiences to encounter before you will really know what it means to be in a relationship. You’re only 18. Forget about finding the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. You haven’t even found yourself yet.
Q: I’ve been seeing this guy for four months now and we’re in a relationship, he just doesn’t seem to want to admit it. He had a horrible break up and I think the label "girlfriend" freaks him out, he hasn’t given me a straight answer about why he won’t ask me officially but we act like we’re in relationship; we’ve met each other's family, go to family events, hangout a lot and go on dates. He even buys me flowers. I’ve brought it up three times already and he keeps gearing away from a proper answer. I am to the point now that I need to talk to him about this. I can’t go any longer, as the unknown is turning me into someone I don’t like and not allowing me to feel confident in the relationship. I want him to take his time and ask me when he’s ready but it’s just unfair for me to have to deal with this too. I’ve already waited long enough. I’m going to talk to him about it and ask why he won’t commit but I’m terrified that he’s going to say I’m moving too fast and end it or say he just doesn’t want a relationship. How should I go about this? What do you think he will say and what should I avoid when talking to him?
A: Oh my, it’s been an entire four months and after you’ve already asked him to commit three times, he’s still not budging? Do you honestly think this next conversation is going to open up the heavens while angels sing and harps play in the background, revealing to him that you are the love of his life? Learn to enjoy what you have. Sounds to me like he’s a pretty decent guy who likes you, but your expecting a little too much entirely too soon. He’s probably scared to death that if he commits to your relationship demands he’ll be the next trapped-poor-sap who’s married with a baby on the way in the first year and living a miserable, regrettable existence until he wises up and divorces you. Let it go already, that horse is dead.