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BLOG: Can polygamy work in Ohio?

Tom Jackson • Aug 5, 2011 at 5:47 PM

The new issue of "The Week" magazine has an article on Kody Brown, a polygamist in Utah who has four wives and 16 children and stepchildren. (Apparently, he's a reality TV star trying to dodge prosecution.)

Okay, I didn't actually read the article, but I did squint at the tiny picture to see what his four wives looked like. Even when I'm off duty, I'm doing research, trying to become a better blogger.

Wouldn't this be a complicated business? Four birthdays to remember. Four wedding anniversaries. (Here, I am assuming that a polygamist weds one at a time. I don't really know.) Four Christmas presents, and you have to make sure all four are pretty good. In Ohio, it would be even more complicated, because we have a romantic holiday, Sweetest Day, that nobody in the other 49 states has ever heard of.

If Wife No. 2 wants you to run to the store to pick up milk and light bulbs, what do you do if Wive No. 4 tells you to cut the grass instead? It would be like having four bosses who all think they're in charge.

My wife says that polygamy requires special conditions, a "man who thinks he's God" and women who are "a little funny in the head." So we don't have to worry about polygamy in Ohio. There's nobody like that around here.

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